Escape Myself

How it started

 It all started the morning of Janurary 8th,the morning my mom died.People say that her death was unexpected,trecherous you could say,but for me...it was an opening to a brutal reality this hell that we live in. It was so unreal and still is. It's like not being able to wake up from a nightmare. I was told it gets better...well i was lied to beacuse it doesn't,you just learn to live it. My mom was a beautiful woman with a very kind heart. She spoiled me,gave me everything i wanted,and in return i acted sweet right up until i didn't get what i wanted. I've said some things that i wished i wouldn't have and i've did some things that i wished i wouldn't have. As much as i wish,i still cant change the past. If i could go back i would say new things and do different things to show my mom how much she meant to me. It's been four years and nothings changed since the day that she died. I still think about her all the time, i still cry, and i am still living in this fucking nightmare that i can't escape. Life has been flipped upside down and thrown around so much within these four years. I have changed from a happy girl to a woman who can barley even stand to be around herself. It was an ugly processs getting to where i am now and that is what i am here to tell you. So come, welcome to my living hell.

 Hello, my name is Crystal. Pretty name for such an ugly girl. Sorry i lied. Oh, not about being ugly but about saying that i was going to tell you about how i got to where i am now. Why would i need to tell you about my past when i cant even escape it myself? All you need to know is that my past killing me and as much as i try to run from it, it is holding me hostage,and is not letting me go. Home is with my dad, his over aged girlfriend and two other termites. I would say i live with them but that would be a lie because i live where i would like to, home is just where i come back to and sleep,shower,eat, and get bitched at. I miss my dad. He is still alive but he is not the same since he got together with a bitch named Jessica (that everyone calls Jess) that pretends to care. She got him drinking not just a beer a night but serveral, some nights even whiskey. The thing i miss most about before he got together with the bitch was that i was always daddy's girl and i was always put first,my opinion mattered and we spent time together. Now i am just another person to clean up after everyone else's mess, i get put last,nobody gives a fuck about what i say, and the only time i get to spend time with my dad is when he wants something from me,or if im in trouble or i begged him to talk to me alone for a couple minutes. The other two people in the house are Martha (Jessica's twat grand daughter) and Winston (Jessica's twat son). Martha is a couple months older than me not that you would be able to tell since she acts like a four year old and Winston is my dads age once again not that you would be able to tell. Both Martha and Winston are like babies except for the cute part they cant do anything on their own and they still need everything given to them. I am constantly being told what i am doing wrong and what i need to change, but here's the thing it used to only be Winston doing that but now it is everyone..even my dad does it now. When i am not at home i am wandering around trying to get as far away from home as i can but i can never get but a couple miles away, before i am told that i need to be home. If i am not wandering around or at home i am at a prison that most people would call school. I wouldnt call it a prison if you werent forced to go there for a certain amount of time and if you dont then you get in trouble but that is basically what happens. When i go to "school" i feel trapped i feel like i have to act like someone else or i won't be accepted,i feel like everyone is watching me,and when i hear someone laugh i automatically think they are laughing about me. All of this has caused me to think differently and see everything in a new light. Most people assume that when i say i "see everything in a new light" it means i see it in a better way,well that is incorrect because when i say that it means i see everything in a new darker light.