15 years old

transitions

  I'm fifteen years old now
And they keep throwing questions at me
Why was I all alone?
Why I preferred silence?
Why was I so difficult?
Its time they understood
I'm better this way
Alone but safe
Living a live so uncomplicated (its beautiful)
Among creatures that will listen and are truthful
Its time they understood, I've already strayed
Into a land where acceptance awaited me

During days I sought recognition
They targeted my humanity
And exaggerated my flaws
(to err is human, let me breathe)
I was morphed into a creature who lost all self-esteem

A narcissist they called me
Vain and arrogant
Comparisons always led to expectations so high
(they put my neck in noose)
They didn't let me explain: I was overrated
They didn't let me talk: I was stupid
I was different: they tormented me for that
I didn't fit in: they didn't let me forget that
All this time I was growing up and they didn't notice
I didn't cut myself or starve myself
But when water threatened to drown
I found solace amongst creatures that existed
That is If one wanted them to
The mind was a realm so vast
That overwhelmed me in its wake
And reality became meaningless
(I didn't want to come back)

They noticed me seconds to late
The boat had already gone adrift
I was comatose

Escape was like a narcotic
I was happy to overdose on
It was an addiction I couldn't overcome

Things changed while I slept
All attention I once craved, I got it
Everything repulsed me
I could no longer differentiate between friends and foes
All this seemed so fake
(it wasn't here where I had adapted to)
I'd slept through an evolution
That my system would never adapt to

Life lured me with hope
And in April I woke up
Had the voyage seemingly ended
Fulfillment of desire was only an illusion
Alas! Life cheated me again
Through an evolution, life became more complicated (and dramatic)
But I a life in monotone
Was in this new era
Like a specie without a genus
Hence when I die I won't be remembered

I poured my secrets to the winds
The skies have answered to all my doubts
The trees have comforted me while I cried
I have nothing to hide
yet the humans try to figure me out

When the tide changes, I'll leave again
In this tranquil state I feel
That The air is a little more breathable today