The Idea of Him

Just the thought about him makes my heart race as fast as an olympic runner. It's 4 in the morning and I've had the worst sleep in the history of sleeping. School begins in 3 more hours. What to do? Dang it Wybie. Why must you be so charming and just overall perfect? So charming that you make it into my dreams and into my morning thoughts?

It's also my 16th birthday and am hoping to perhaps invite him to my birthday party the following Friday. But first, I have to say "Hello" to him. Anxiety kicks in when I make that conclusion. I then yell into my temperpedic pillow with excitement and nervousness. The only times I see him are in the hallways and occasionally at the choir hall. He probably doesn't know of my existence. Anyway, how and when will I ask him? Definitely after 5th period since that's when I know I'll be cooled down and more confident. My 5th period class always makes me feel like I'm at home, so I'll be receiving great sensations then.

Finally, I roll out of bed and waste no time to make myself look my absolute best. Since today is special, I pull out my favorite eyeshadow palette from the never used pouch that will definitely catch his attention from even across the hallway. Making sure all the colors that will go on my youthful face nicely compliment my outfit. Nothing that will make me look like I tried too hard or that I lacked effort. After all, I have a unique eye when it comes to color and detail, me being an artist. Once I finish, I take one last glance in the mirror and feel like a chic model.

My day to everyone else seems just like any other normal day. Most of my friends at school don't know it's my birthday, but I think it's okay. I enjoy a quiet, reserved lifestyle. Plus, birthdays start to lose meaning as the years pass, as well as expectations. Of course I tell my close friends, but not people who I "associate" with.

Four periods elapse and there is only a couple minutes until the bell rings to proceed to 6th period. My heart begins to pound as loud as the drums in an Imagine Dragons concert, my hands look glossy, and I feel my insides move. Then there goes the bell. I pace through the hallways, walking with purpose and then, bam, I see him. Because I chose to wear heels today, it took me a while to catch up with him, and this boy can walk. After catching my breath, I hesitate, about to shy away from him, but I don't let myself. I tell myself that getting out of my comfort zone will help me grow and that I got this. Two taps on his shoulder later and he looks up at me with his olive green eyes. My body sort of freezes and a couple awkward seconds later I manage to say, "Hi. My name is Alex. I kind of notice you in the hallways and I think you're pretty cute." "Nice to meet you Alex, my name's Wybie. I have a girlfriend", he says. For some reason, I feel guilty and begin apologizing, until he tells me it's okay. That it's not my fault and that rejection is fine. He then weirdly shakes my hand and we both part ways. 

Even when he was trying to comfort me, I still felt at unease and ease at the same time. One, because I talked to a guy and told him how I felt. Two, I beat my social anxiety in this round. And three, I got rejected on my birthday. 

I'm a little upset, because when I first saw Wybie, I felt like we just connected. There was something in his eyes that just resonated with me. They looked kind, hurt, energetic and beautiful. Sounds cheesier than a soap opera, but this is how I truly feel. Additionally, this guy is aesthetically pleasing. Not exactly monolids, pale skin, and freckles, like a K-pop idol, but he is a 10 out of 10. Instead he is plump lips- which are good for kissing, olive eyes, tan skin with a tint of honey, and curly hair. So a little bit like Wybie from Coraline. What a coincidence.

I shrug my shoulders and work on the school related chemistry rather than the emotional type.