I Guess I Gotta Go On, Don't I?

I WANT TO PUNCH MY FRIEND(S) WHAT DO I DO

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1/14/18
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                12:50am
Pretty much everyone has friends but I think mine are particularly shitty.
Ok, well, not all of them. Just one:
Fucking
Heather.
Heather can suck my dick. She's just a...character, ya know? Sometimes she makes you laugh and other times she's being a brat and makes you wanna kick her clit into her esophagus.

She's an only child and I think that might be part of why she's so selfish. I think she genenuinely does not understand that some people aren't going to, and don't want to, listen to her every word, or do whatever shit she wants them to, or bend to her will like her parents do. Speaking of her parents, they never really assosiated her with any other kids when she was really little, and are so asocial it makes people uneasy. I think that also contributes to how she is.

And, from my first entry, you can probably guess I take mental health really seriously, so this next point means a lot to me. This is going to sound super awful but hear me out: I am 99% sure she fakes aspects of her anxiety. I know, I know, I'm fucking ingnorant, aren't I? I don't know why anyone would do that but I can't shake the feeling that Heather does. I mean, if you're afraid to get up and throw your trash away in a cafeteria on your own and say your reason is severe social anxiety, I can buy that. But, "Being afraid to ask your own dad a damn question" and then saying it's social anxiety so you can't do it is absolute fucking bullshit and I want you out of my life. I'm not kidding. It's stupid shit like that. She doesn't have social anxiety she just doesn't give a shit about anyone other than herself and wants an excuse to get out of doing things. It's so utterly disrespectful I can't get over it.

When I hang out with her, everyone can feel it. I'm a volcano ready to fuckin singe a bitch named Heather. It's only a matter of time before she says something particuarly repungent and I actually rip my vocal chords out screaming at her. And I can't wait for that day. I've heard the arguement: "If someone's toxic, cut yourself off from them," but it's so hard to do that when your only friends worship her and think she's great (except Goldie. Love you Goldie. Best friends 6ever.). And even I thought that at first. I really wanted to be friends with her and Marlie for a long time, and, at the end of last year, I finally was (along with Lila and Goldie).

It was great. At first. Until I realized all of this f e c a l  m a t t e r. When I first started thinking them, I was sorta in denial. I suggested to myself, maybe I was just  jealous of her and Lila since they'd gotten so close. Lila was my best friend after all, and, I'll admit, I had a bit of a crush on her (I'll talk about it later. It is a shit-fest, trust me.). But, 'twas not the case.

I have hope, though. She said that she's finishing the year at our school and then she has to decide either to stay here, or go to a school closer to her (she moved and is in a town over now). So I am oh so desparately hoping that she'll go there. But if she doesn't, everyone knows that new school years are fresh starts so that's a plus. I guess.

But, fuck, is it going to be a long ass next few months.

Sool