Spring Day Will Last Forever

Kim Taehyung: (He Hates Leaving Me Alone, For A Good Reason)

(Y/N) P.O.V

New Years Eve the time to reflect on the past year. Spend time with family, friends, lovers... Well at least for most. This New Years Eve just like all of the last ones I'd be spending it alone which wasn't a good thing for me. I despised being alone it was a fear of mine, but not for the reason most people would assume. I was afraid because when I'm alone the negative thoughts return the depression slowly chipping away at me. I had one person in the world that was able to make the thoughts, the fresh scars and sadness in my bleak life disappear. But sadly he wasn't here and that was a recurring thing for me.

'Why did I fall in love with someone like you?'

That thought always flooded my mind, but the bigger one was,

'How did you fall in love with someone like me?'

that questioned nagged at me day and night when every he left me... Alone,

"I never see you...".

I hate him when he leaves, but I love him when he's gone begging for the days to tick by faster and the day I can see him again to come quicker. He was my drug and I missed it dearly... So here I was sitting on our couch in our home alone.

"I miss you, I need you here tonight more than ever right now... The thoughts won't stop pestering me spitting venom with every word. I tried to distract myself by sleeping, but I only have nightmares without you here to protect me. Will you come to me for just one night and forget about work...? Please? for me?"

I think out loud. I've been clean for so long, but you being gone this long is taking its toll. I wish you where here so we could share a kiss at midnight cuddle and watch movies the entire time before that. I glance at the clock next to me moving painfully slow. To slow for my liking, but what can I do I can't control time.

"10 more days and 4 hours till your home again,"

I whisper to myself a single tear sliding down my cheek dropping on to my knee that my chin is perched on arms wrapped securely around them keeping them close to me to feel less lonely. I glance at the underside of my arms that I had shifted to get into a more comfortable position. My breath hitched in my throat seeing the old fading scars. I felt a longing to reopen the skin to create new scars, new marks before they faded completely. Numbly without thinking about the consequences after or the disappointment, my boyfriend will have in me when he comes home from his tour. I know I didn't have blades anymore Taehyung made sure of that when he caught me tearing my wrists open blood pooling in the fresh cut the dark rosy red slowly dripping down my arm as he rushed to my side cradling me in his arms I had cried my eyes out then from getting caught and for hurting the one person I never wanted to. Finally, I reached the kitchen and grabbed a simple steak knife from the butcher block twirling it in my hand thinking hard about what I was about to do again...

Just do it, I doubt Tahyung will care. He'll probably leave you you're pathetic and worthless anyway.

They were right why would Taehyung still care about me I was ugly and the scars just made me more disgusting anyway. Maybe Taehyung should just leave me and find someone that was better looking than me and treated him better. He could be happy again with someone that he actually loved... but just the thought of being alone all the time made me cry. So as I dragged the knife across my delicate milk white skin separating the skin, and muscles apart from each other. I hissed in pain more tears falling remembering something Taehyung said to me a couple days after he had caught me the first time,

"Your skin is so perfect... I love how white it is almost like snow!"

Tae had giggled peppering my face with kisses causing me to start giggling soon turning into laughter because it had tickled. That had made Tae break out his famous box smile that I adored so much...