Calendar Feelings

Jan 1

You don't want to know me.
I'm just a whole human filled with hatred and suicidal thoughts.
I'm the most pessimistic person you'll meet
Also, the nicest you'll meet when it comes to speaking to others.
My parents can't stand me because I see the world as a trap I can't escape.
My friends can't stand me because I'm always canceling plans due to the weight of depression keeping me away.
My cigarettes hate me because I smoke them too fast
My car hates me because I drive like I've got nothing to lose.
My sisters hate me because I never stop saying sorry
My skin hates me because of how much I tear it apart.
I hate me more than I realize and I don't have a solid reason. My reason would be that I know my true self, and it's a terrible image. I'm indecisive of my goals and once I make one, my anxiety talks me out of it.
I just want out.
I want out of life so bad and my anxiety keeps me from pulling through.
It's the one thought that stays in my mind but the one action I can't complete.
I am convinced everybody hates me for one reason or another. I do. But I hate me for every reason. Even the things people like about me. I despise them.