My Melancholic Thoughts

To my ex (2017/February)

In seven grade we had to write a paper about our future. I wrote 'I will be married and have kids and we will be living in detached house.'
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9th grade we had to do the same thing. I wrote down I would marry you 'cause I loved you so much and we were the perfect two. I remember how I ripped the paper in million peaces after you said you can't be with me and went to talk to other girl. It was one of the longest and hardest weeks I ever had. I took you back tho. We were half a year together and I were ready for a long-term relationship. But in long-term relationships THERE ARE UPS AND DOWNS. The moment depression hit me worse than ever and I thought I don't feel a single thing to you same time I didn't hang out with my friends and school days went by being alone. And I remember telling it to you and that I am not comfortable with myself in anyway. It wasn't only you and you..you...you could have stayed! And helped me! But what you did was run away, block me everywhere. Leaving me even more broken and over all worried how are you and ARE YOU ALIVE. You finally let me to talk to you but you wanted me back. I couldn't be able to take the risk again that I would get hurt with you although everyone makes mistakes.

Now I know that I loved you and I still do. I am pretty sure that I found myself and now I know that I am pretty the way I am and I like girls and boys.

And after all this time I want you back but I know I am late.