After the Kiss (A Shoey FanFic)

Chapter 11

Shane

     Three months later

     I heard the doctors today, talking as they usually do. But today... today was different. I overheard them talking to my mom, telling her I was never going to wake up, that I was brain dead. They told her that I could no longer hear them, that I was gone. But I wasn't.

     Each day I heard every single word ever said in this room, tried to gather up the strength to move, and thought about my life as it was before. Everything the doctors said was wrong, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was helpless.

     I had no idea how long I had been like this. Seconds felt like months, minutes like years. Joey stopped visiting as frequently, and that hurt me deeply. I don't know why, but I wanted him to be here when I died. As terrible as that would be for him, it was my last wish, my dying wish.

     I wished for Joey to be here.

Joey

     It was a cold, rainy November day. All of the chores were done, and everything had been cleaned and put away. I stared at the calendar, realizing that it had been three months since Shane was put in the hospital.

    I sat on the couch, my heart feeling heavy and my body feeling cold. I longed for Shane's warm embrace, the feeling of his soft lips against mine. It had been so long since I had spoken to him. His YouTube channel was the only way I could see him speak happily.

     YouTube was done for me. I had given up on my channel. I deleted Minecraft and stopped talking in my usual goofy lingo. I now wore my hair messily down againt my forehead, never styling it anymore. What was the point anyways? Nothing meant anything to me anymore.

     Stacy told me that I had lost my usual happy glow, and that it looked as if a black cloud was hovering over me. To be honest, I didn't feel sad, angry, or depressed. I didn't feel anything at all actually.

     I felt numb.

     Sometimes, in the night, I do feel something. But when I do, I automatically knock myself out with cold medication. If that doesn't work, I take more. I've nearly overdosed 15 times, but I've always passed out afterwards.

     Life without Shane was unbearable, but I found that I could live with the pain in my heart. I guess you can live, even if you have nothing to live for. My heart just kept beating, so I just kept living.

     I watched the rain drip onto the window then fall to the ground, each drop leaving behind a trail of wetness. The rain was so peaceful, the rhythm of it falling calming me. I wondered if Shane would be able to hear the rain. Shane...

     "No!" I growled. "God dammit, don't you do this Joey! Stop it!" I clenched my fists and grit my teeth. This was NOT going to happen again, not right now... but I wasn't strong enough.

     The tears rolled uncontrollably down my face, my fists shaking with rage and sadness. "FUCK!" I screamed. I didn't want to cry, I had already cried so much the past few months. So this was what heartbreak felt like. This was pure torture.

Shane

     Why was I still alive? Why hadn't the doctors just killed me already? I knew they were going to, so why not just end it now. I had no point in life anymore anyways.

     Where the hell was Joey? He never visited me anymore, and that worried me. I didn't want Joey to come to the same fate as I did. Joey was destined to live a long happy life, to have kids and grow old. But me, well, I was destined for death.

     I hoped that Joey would be here when I died, so that our hands could touch one last time. I wanted to let him know that it was okay to let go of me, that my time was up. But it probably wouldn't happen.

     Oh well. So much for life.

Joey

     Three days later I had finally decided to visit Shane. I decided this after I got the call from the doctor. Shane was going to be disconnected from life support, and just left to die. They said he was already brain-dead, so he wouldn't feel a thing. But I still cried, harder than I ever had before. The love of my life was about to die.

     I took a shower, straightened up my hair, and put on one of my best suits that I had planned to be buried in. Then I took extra time to brush, floss, and use mouthwash. After all of that I shaved then put on some chapstick and cologne.

     Yes, I wanted to look nice for Shane's death. But there was also another reason. After he died, I had no point of going on. I had already picked out a tall building, right next to the old park we used to go to...

     I took an envelope out of my pocket and put it right next to the bouquet of flowers on the center of my kitchen table. It was for everyone, my family, Stacy, Sawyer, Luke. It was an apology, and then my will.

     I got in my car and started the engine. Then I pulled away from the driveway and drove on, on to the death of Shane. I didn't need to hold back any tears because I didn't have any left. My eyes stayed dry, but my heart shattered into millions of pieces. Still, I drove on.

     Once I got to the hospital I parked my car and ran out of it, slamming the door behind me. I sprinted to the receptionist, told her who I was here to see, then ran to Shane's room.

     I burst through the door and lunged at Shane, squeezing his hand and gasping for breath. The tears finally came, they poured down my face. His stiff cold hand lay still in mine. I could tell he had already been disconnected, maybe a few days ago. He had lost so much weight, it was only a matter of time.

     "Shane, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry," I whispered into his ear. "I know I should've been more considerate, that I should have helped you. B-but I'm selfish. I... I'm so sorry, for everything. I'll see you on the other side."

     I gave him one last kiss on his cold, dead lips, then started towards the door. As I walked forward, memories of my time with Shane flashed before my eyes. Filming vlogs together, holding hands, watching the sunset. His warm hands against mine that one night, when all we felt for each was a fiery burning passion.

     Then, it happened.