Smile Dear

Chapter 1

Love at the end of a blade

I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. Whispering that to myself over and over to keep me calm as she keeps screaming at me. My mother is the the nicest and most kind person you'll ever meet but she is a completely different person when you're her daughter. I'm not going to say I'm abused because I probably deserve the beatings but the verbal beatings are the worst. All she ever says to me is how I've failed her as a daughter and how I don't appreciate her and how I don't respect her. Sometimes I over hear her conversations with friends and she tells them "Arissa never listens to me." She is going nowhere in life because she cant pay attention to anything." then they just laugh about it. Well now I'm really starting to believe her. I'm haven't been quite well lately, I've been hearing voices. I think it is just the evil side of my conscience getting louder. My temper gets worse and worse everyday its harder to control myself. I stopped cutting because I realized you shouldn't hurt yourself because other people hurt you. You should hurt them instead and make them feel your pain so you don't have to. When I realized this that's when my temper and anger kicked in. Since then I've been in alternative school three times and put one kid in the hospital. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse my dad decides to show up at the door and demand for custody of me so he can get child support. So now my mom is drunk 24/7 and I have to watch where I step because her needles are usually laying on the floor. I try to stay in my room and avoid contact with her or the outside world but unfortunately the law requires me to go to school so I get up and drag my lazy ass there everyday just to see all my favorite people whom I wish to kill. It's Monday again and my alarm goes off but at least I get to hear Vic's voice sing hold on till may to me as I wake up. That makes my day a little better. I go to my closet to find a shirt and I rummage through the pile of black band shirts and find my motionless in white shirt. I put on my black and white stripped pants. Then I stumble to the bathroom and brush my teeth and comb my black hair which doesn't look right with my tan skin tone. I apply thick black eyeliner then go and find my combat boots and hoodie. I usually don't eat breakfast because I don't have time. I hesitate to go out the door because its fucking 20 degrees outside. I step out and start walking anyway but I get that feeling that someone is watching me, I shake it off. School sucks as usual but I see someone one I've never really paid attention to but I know him. For some reason my eyes were drawn to him. He wore black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt he had eyeliner on and a few piercings. As I passed him I heard I don't love you by my chemical romance coming from his earbuds. I wanted to know who he was because my school is small and there's not a lot of people that listen to good music there so asked some random kid his name, all he said was "Seth" and walked off. So I watched him for a few days, he didn't talk to anyone and kept to himself just like me. He always dressed in black I never saw a shirt with a band on it or anything. One day he didn't show up to school so I had nothing to do but sleep. While I was asleep though I got the feeling that someone was watching me again, I woke up and looked around then couldn't go back to sleep. The bell rang at three and I began to walk home then I hear footsteps running up beside me. It was Seth.

'Hey I noticed you've been staring at me lately.'

'Oh yeah I'm sorry about that my eyes drift and I don't know what I'm looking at'

'Its fine, I've been watching you too'

I turned to look at him but he was gone and I knew why I had the feeling someone was watching me. He was watching me. I felt a sense of relief because I knew who it was but I was also a little uneasy. Now I had to watch my back all the time. I got to my door and heard yelling. Guess who was there, yep my dad. He was punching my mom as she was flailing her arms and crying. I walked by with a smirk on my face and said 'bitch got what she deserved'. To my surprise I'm greeted with a smack across the face, I stumbled back and fell and hit the table. I awoke at about 8:00 that morning. My vision was blurry and I felt like shit. My forehead was bleeding from hitting the table. I got up and looked around neither my mother or father were there but a note was left on the table, it read