We did not even meet. You were never able to touch me nor hold me. I never loved you. And you never loved me too.
It was all like this night, when a coincidence happened between two random strangers. The air then was cold, and the sky stretched far as the stars formed above our heads. You were there, looking over the grilled window of a dark room. Your eyes fixed to the wonders of what is in the horizon of the pitch black night. And I was there too, amazed on how every little piece of our life's puzzle led us into something not a love story. I saw you alone in your own magical world, as I wander around gathering thoughts of how someone like me found someone like you.
Then you called me, speaking about something I don't understand in a language I don't even speak. But it was your voice, your sweet voice which caressed my heart into falling. You sang songs to me like nobody ever did, you cared for me when no one cared and you did not love me unlike anybody have ever done before.
I never did see you then on. Yet we had our plans on going to Bohol with nothing with us but each other. We planned on hunting your father and completing your dream. I promised to be there, wherever you are, and wherever you will be.
I never loved you because of your lips, your shining eyes, or your perfect face, the least, I can say that. I never loved you for being a lady.
The spell which laid my heart to rest was your heart alone. We dreamt of being together all those times, we fashioned our lives with what you and I want. We created another universe with the US inscribed deep in every space there is.
We talked everyday, in every occasions, in whatever weather or storm, we were there for each other. I was your best friend, I was your enemy, and you were mine too.
We fought each others battles with words coming out of a metal brick. We faced wars with each other's voices. We had everything in our chats.
But now it seems like everything has its ends. I was too selfish, dumb, and cruel that time. I thought you were too good for me. I thought that the things we created together was all in my mind. I thought that you never really loved me.So I took the bait and left. You did not even had the chance to ask me why. I just left.
For almost a year, I bathe in longing, tears and regret. I wanted you to have someone better than me. I wanted you to love someone unlike me.
When you were out of reach, I tried to fill the gap scourging inside my soul. I met countless spirits all pointing to you. Their smiles, the way they talk, the way they act, the way they say goodnight all resembles you.
Until I have found the closest resemblance of you. She was all broken when I found her. Just like you when I left you to suffer a pain I caused. So I held her into my arms the way I thought of embracing you. I cared for her the way you cared for me too. I sang her songs the way you would to me. And I loved her.I loved her the way you almost did to me. She meant the world to me except it was real.
But as always, you found your way to me. My heart sank in deep sorrow hearing your voice fall while crying. I did not know what to do. I wanted to hold you tight for once, I wanted to embrace you and feel your tears flow to my veins. I wanted to tell you that I long for your voice and I can't breathe. I am screaming inside to tell you that all those times, I have always wanted to run back to you.
Instead, I did not say anything.
I just stood there just listening to a metal brick while you are crying.
It was all my fault.
And I accept it.
But I will do it again knowing that you'll have someone else better than me.
Friendships are more valuable than diamonds.
Now I write this story for you. To tell you what I feel in words you won't understand in a way it has always been. I wanted to tell you that I loved you. You were my first love. I thank you for being my friend and my enemy. I cherish our memories not together. And I will treasure our story.
-leiyam💕
