DEATH BATTLE

Episode 28: The Nostalgia Critic vs The Angry Video Game Nerd

(A/N: I realize that this is super long overdue, guys. There will be an explanation and an apology at the end of this chapter. Until then, enjoy the long-awaited throwdown of the critics!

Also, I'm going to try a more narrative style of pre-battle analysis for this fight. Lemme know if it works out.)

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Channel Awesome versus Cinemassacre! Two of the Internet's angriest reviewers will finally clash - this time, all-out! Who will win? Who will die?!

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Wiz: Criticism. It is a tool often used by people if they see flaws in a certain literary work, pointing those flaws out and giving ways to rectify them and helping the works improve. In some cases, criticism has been a major help in improving various works, and has given rise to prominent critics and reviewers, like our combatants today...

Boomstick: ...But these guys take it too far. Like, way too far!!

Wiz: Doug Walker, The Nostalgia Critic...

Boomstick: And James Rolfe, The Angry Video Game Nerd!

Wiz: We are aware that these two reviewers have fought before, but never in an all-out, no-holds-barred duel to the death.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

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THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC

Wiz: Just imagine: a movie comes out to theaters, and it turns out horrible, yet it still manages to rake in a huge sum of money by fooling casual moviegoers. It's a massive injustice, right?

Boomstick: Rest assured, ladies and gents, for there will always be an Internet reviewer who'll see through the bullsh*t and review the movie for the abomination that it is! We are referring to, of course, the one and only Nostalgia Critic.

Wiz: Yet before he became the Nostalgia Critic, he was known as Douglas Darien Walker, and he had rather humble origins behind him. In the year 2007, he would begin his career of reviewing films as a small-time film critic. Yet little did he know that he would rise to prominence as one of the internet's well-known and feared reviewers: the Nostalgia Critic.

Boomstick: The dude's certainly earned his reputation. The dude's surprisingly overpowered in a battle scenario! He's shockingly physically strong enough to cause even movies pain, tough enough to survive getting kicked in the crotch for like a fubajillion times, and fast enough to run across the goddamn USA in a matter of seconds and fly well above the speed of light!

Wiz: The Critic definitely has a host of physical feats that cement his overpowered status, but since they are scattered throughout the 400+ episodes of his famed webshow, let's just say that at his maximum, the Critic can contend with beings that can destroy the universe.

Boomstick: ...holy sh*t.

Wiz: That's right, Boomstick. The Nostalgia Critic ranks as one of the most powerful Internet celebrities to ever exist.

Boomstick: ...remind me not to make my life movie stupid.

Wiz: You definitely shouldn't - hell, I'd advise you not to make one at all. The Critic has far more ways to kill you than just his absurd physicality. He can warp reality itself in a myriad ways, including - but not limited to - talking to people past clips, making random sound effects out of nowhere, and even flicking planets out of the screen and restoring them through manipulation of perspective.