Obscurity

IX. of coins and cafeteria boys

letter #4

i heard it out loud for the first time today.

the word 'obscurity' being used--and it wasn't in Mrs. Reuben's AP English class.

i heard it in the cafeteria, at lunch. i didn't hear what his (extremely loud) conversation was about, or why he'd used an uncommon word that has become a label to me, because i usually shut everything out while i eat the moldy cafeteria food in the corner. 

Xander rolled his eyes, muttering profanities at Cam under his breath for having a voice that was equivalent to a megaphone.

i didn't see who the voice belonged to either, because like i said, corner table.

maybe you feel pity for me, or even sympathy, but i don't want you to. i don't want you to imagine me as this weak and pathetic girl that just writes letters about completely absurd things to a stranger and doesn't have a life. i can put up a good front--i've been doing it for years, after all--it's just that deep within me, i'm hollow and broken, and i feel like these letters are my only saving grace from completely losing myself.

i just don't know what to do anymore.

anyway, i don't know why cafeteria boy (that's what i've resorted to calling him now) said what he said, but when i him say it, it was as if the glass that i always hid from shattered, and time stopped and that the world stop revolving for one second.  that was when it dawned on me that this is real. that you're real.

A small smile graced his lips. Cafeteria boy. He could only imagine what Cam would say about that.

and you know what? it completely made my day; to not hear that word just turned around inside my head, like a coin--that no matter how much you turn it around and around, the sides would never change it's face.

to hear somebody actually say it, well it just made me feel like that imprint that i've been talking about could be starting to leave a mark.

i just want you to know that if you had anything to do with cafeteria boy, or if you are cafeteria boy, then thank you.  thank you for giving me a good reason to continue on in this hell of a messed up world.

until the next,

an obscurity

Xander folded the letter as he finished reading it. His silent surrounding gave him a better opportunity to properly think and reflect about the raw thoughts that he had just read.

Who knew I would actually be thankful for detention. He thought, looking at the empty chairs and tables around him. The silence seemed to drum in his ears, and he didn't know if it was starting to give him brain damage; because he found himself mentally thanking Cam. For having the world's loudest voice that he could put a megaphone to shame; and for unconsciously giving hope to a girl that he didn't even know existed.

Looks like Cam finally did something right, even if he didn't know it.