Chapter Three
No one was home when we walked in; I just figured that my dad had gone out to go buy more beer or something. Without saying a word to Sarah, I walked straight to my room, slamming the door behind me, and threw down my things. I was stressed out and overwhelmed by everything that had happened that day. It had seemed as if most days were bad days. You would think that I would become numb to it after awhile, but every day when I got home from school and sat in my room alone, things would always hit me just as hard if not harder than the day before. That day felt especially terrible since I had managed to embarrass myself more than ever.
I heard Sarah knock on my bedroom door.
“What?” I growled, I was not in the mood for her nagging. She opened the door and walked into my room and sat on my bed as if she was completely oblivious to the fact that I wanted to be alone.
“Have you taken your medication yet?” she asked quietly and politely.
“I will in a minute.” I avoided eye contact with her and hoped that she would take the hint.
“When you blacked out today, were you having flashbacks?” I avoided her question. “Look, it’s really not healthy the way that you always sit around and feel sorry for yourself.”
“Go away!” I was becoming more and more frustrated the longer she stayed in my room. She took a deep sigh.
“I’m only saying this because I want you to get better. We were all hurt by what happened, all of us are still struggling right now but you need to learn to just move on and live your life.”
“What’s the point? Every day is the same! I’m sorry that I can’t brush things off like you can because I actually have emotions. Nothing is going to change!” I snapped at her
“If you think that I’m unaffected by everything that’s happened over the past five years you’re dead wrong.” She grew silent for a moment. “I’ve just chosen not to let the pain run my life. Nothing’s going to change unless you make the effort to change your attitude.”
“It’s not that simple! Sarah, you don’t understand!” I pushed her off of my bed. “You don’t know what it’s like to be kicked down from every angle of your life while you’re already on the ground. I can’t just forget about it! I’ve been permanently scarred and unlike you, I have no upsides to look to. You have friends and good grades and just always act like nothing ever even happened.” I paused for a minute to recollect myself and tried to calm down. Sarah stood up.
“You can’t always assume that you’re the only one having a hard time. I just hate to see you so down all the time, I think you need something to distract you from your self pity. I’m going to go to work now; maybe you should look into getting a job. Mom would appreciate it, and it would help take your mind off of things.”
“I don’t need any more stress, Sarah. I already struggle to fake a smile for everyone at school.” I fell backwards onto my bed.
“I find that hard to believe. Anyways, I’m sure that Josh wouldn’t be happy to see you constantly dwelling in your misery. Please at least try to move on with your life.” She stormed out of my room and slammed the door behind her.
Ouch, shots fired. I knew that she was angry and that she was just trying to motivate me, but bringing up Josh was just a cold hard punch in the chest, and she very well knew it too.
