Tumbling Reality (short story)

My head hurt as my vision adjusted to the bright light. I was groggy and disorientated from the lack of sleep. Every bone, every muscle, every fibre was screaming in agony, if only I could take back the day I agreed to this. 

“ I need to use the bathroom.” I manage to choke out, surprised I can still speak. The officer nods at me and one of the men in blue follow me to the loo. I lock the door behind me and look at my reflection. I barely recognise the person staring back at me, My usually clear blue eyes are now wild and bloodshot. My always tamed and well gelled hair is now oily and greasy. I stare at my hands; they are caked with blood, my nails gnawed and chewed on. I let out a sorrowful laugh, and before I know it my humourless cackles turn into broken sobs. This isn’t what they would have wanted for me.

This all started six months ago, back when my parents were alive. All that changed though, my life turned upside downtown the minute my parents decided to get on the plane to New York. I believe it was in that moment the snowball effect was set in action. It was then my destiny was settled, and every second my life since has been leading up to this moment. 

They say everything happens for a reason, so might be the reason to take away the only light in someones life? I spend everyday since the crash with darkness consuming me. More and more each passing day until it swallowed me whole. Against my better judgement I agreed to rob a bank that day. It wasn't for the money, I had that. All this was supposed to be was revenge from the unknown. Someone to blame, someone to punish.  

They told me they needed me, that I was valuable and for the first time since i lost my parents i felt like i had a purpose in life. Like i was important. Like i belonged. So i did everything i could in my power to prove myself to the gang. I followed them like a lost puppy, worked like a donkey to earn their respect. It was a matter of time before they started treating me like equal. Like family. I sigh, Family. That word sounded alien on my tongue. 

At that point those people kept me sane, looking back at it now makes me want to laugh at my own stupidity. In the hunger of belonging and the game self worth I lost myself. So maybe it was my internal desire to prove myself that lead me to pulling the trigger, or maybe it was the numbness and the hole my parents death left behind 

The loud rasping at the heavy metal door snaps me back to reality. “Time’s up No. 203, get out this second” I stare at number sewn across my chest on my bright orange jumpsuit. This is my reality now I think as I numbly make my way back to the gloomy, dark room. Then all I hear is the click of a button and a gruff voice “Matthew Anderson Taylor, Age; fifteen years old, Date; eleventh of September 2012, Time of interrogation; twenty one hundred hours, Accusation; Armed robbery and MURDER” with those last two words my world comes tumbling down as my actions finally start to sink in. I . am . a . murderer. 

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