Promise? (Adopted by All Time Low)

Part 24

ALEXS POV

I promised myself I wouldn't cry. But we pulled up to the funeral home and I couldn't do it anymore. Tears fell down my face, Jack tried to help me but they couldn't. I didn't need him right now. I needed Ella. I walked up to her casket and looked at her. I buried her in leggings and one of my sweatshirts that she loved. It seemed right. I kissed the forehead of her body.
"Are you okay?" Jack asked and I nodded, even though I was sobbing and shaking. I stepped onto the small podium to began to speak.
It was a small funeral, the band, some of her school friends, our parents, her social worker.
"Um, some of the first things I got to do with Ella was go on tour. It was a mini tour, but I got to really be her dad for the first time. Make sure she had eaten and was healthy. That tour I showed her a lot of the music she loved. She loved Panic! At The Disco, Mayday Parade, but she also loved Taylor Swift, and One Direction and stuff like that." I wiped a tear. "I remember during this tour, I asked her how she felt. And she broke down, she said she was tired and couldn't sleep on the bus, and when she could sleep it was too loud." I cried even harder, and Jack ran up, and hugged me. I sobbed even harder, into his shoulder.
"Do you want to stop?" I shook my head and took a deep breath.
"So I thought, wow now is the time to be super dad," I managed to laugh a little, "I said, were gonna go get a hotel room and watch a movie. And I'm gonna make everything better for you. I'm gonna fix everything. One of the first times that she had an anxiety attack with me was on a plane. And she just held onto me the whole time and I held on to her and it was just like it was us two. Like she fully trusted me, and that was the biggest deal to me. But, Ella she was the most important person to me. I got to help her when she was doing bad, and I got to be there when she was happy and laughing and watching movies. She loved everyone here. I love you, princess." I stepped off the podium and to my surprise, Zack stepped up.
"Ella and I had a special bond. We trusted each other. My favorite time I ever spent with Ella was when she came to spend 2 weeks with me at home in Hawaii. She flew over by herself, which I was super proud of because she hated planes. But she went on a run with me everyday. And everyday she dragged me to the beach. I always had my camera out and was taking pictures of whatever was there." I looked over at the picture of Ella, Zack had taken it while they were in Hawaii. I looked at Zack and he was smiling at it too, with tears in his eyes. "I took pictures of her, smiling and playing in the ocean and climbing things. We watched a new movie every day. Movies neither of us had ever heard of. One day she asked me, she said 'Zackie, I want to take pictures like you do.' I said okay let's go. I gave her my camera, and we went outside. I told her, 'The special thing about photography is you can do whatever you want with it. You show people what you want them to see.' The next Christmas, I got her a new camera. I don't know if she ever took pictures, maybe she did. But I loved that time with her. I'm honored to have been in her life." Zack stepped down and I looked at Rian and Jack.
"If I try to do it, I'll break down." Jack said, already crying.
"I have one more thing to say." I stepped back up to the podium. "In the note that she left for me. She said 'I won't forget the good times.' And that, among other things she wrote and things we did inspired me to write this song. And I'm gonna sing that song. I don't have a guitar or anything but it's okay."
I laughed for a second, and tapped a beat on my leg.
"On a fault line, late night. Underneath the stars we came alive, and singing to the sky just felt right. I won't forget the good times. While the punks started picking fights With the skater kids under city lights, Remember how we laughed 'til we cried. I won't forget the good times. I never want to leave this sunset town, But one day the time may come, And I'll take you at your word, And carry on, I'll hate the goodbye, But I won't forget the good times, I won't forget the good times. We were bare-knuckled, tight lip, Middle fingers up, ego trip, Devil may care but we didn't mind, I won't forget the good times. We're the boys in black smoking cigarettes. Chasing girls who didn't know love yet, As the bonfire moon came down, I won't forget the good times. I never want to leave this sunset town, But one day the time may come And I'll take you at your word And carry on I'll hate the goodbye. But I won't forget the good times, I won't forget the good times, When we laughed, When we cried. Those were the days We owned the nights. Locked away, Lost in time, I found the nerve, To say that, I never want to leave this sunset town, But one day the time may come, And I'll take you at your word, And carry on, I'll hate the goodbye, But I won't forget the good times, I won't forget the good times, I never want to leave this sunset town, But one day the time may come, And I'll take you at your word, And carry on, I'll hate the goodbye, But I won't forget the good times, I won't forget the good times." I took a deep breath and went off the podium.
"It's time to go to the cemetery, Lex." Jack said, and I nodded.
We drove to the cemetery in silence, only my cries as an occasional sound. Sam didn't want to come, he wanted to move in with his mom, didn't want to be reminded of Ella. It's like I lost two kids.
We got to the cemetery, and I stood next to the casket. It's not fair. I couldn't save her this time. I thought about everything that had happened to her. Things I couldn't completely fix. They lowered her body into the ground. Like it was nothing.
I told Jack, Rian , and Zack to go home, I needed to be alone.
I sat on the dirt. Staring at it. Underneath of this dirt was my daughter. I'm gonna make new songs, I decided, and they're all gonna have a piece of her.
"I'm a saint." I joked, when I spilled Ella's water everywhere.
"I don't believe in saints." Ella rolled her eyes, but laughed, "They never make mistakes"
I laughed at the memory and typed it in the notes of my phone as a lyric. That's the first line of a new song.
I sat there the rest of the afternoon, writing song lyrics about her.