1-800-273-825

my suicidal thoughts

This is for the people who hurt.
This is for the people who starve themselves.
This is for the people who have thought about ending everything.
This is for the people that hate their body's.
This is for the people who cut.
This is for the people who cry themselves to sleep every night.
This is for the people who wake up dreading what's to come.
This is for the people who fake every smile.
This is for the people who are dying inside but can't admit it to anyone.
This is for the people who have tried to end everything.
This is for the people who worry about every move they make in fear of social judgement.
This is for the people that have anxiety.
This is for the people that have depression.
This is for the people that have anorexia.
This is for the people that are suicidal.
This is for the people that have suicidal thoughts.
This is for the people...like me.

I'm here for you. I know how it feels. I know what it feels like to be so alone that you start becoming anxious and depressed and even suicidal.

I have tried so hard to just grin and bear it and just laugh at whatever everyone else laughs at. I've tried so hard to fit in. I've tried so hard not to cry all day.

I get it. Everyone tells you that their there for you, I get that so much, but no one ever means it. And that's why I'm not telling you I'm here for you, even though I am but I k ow how it feels, loads of people don't have a clue, I'm telling you to talk to someone. Anyone. Mum. Dad. Grandma. Grandpa. Sister. Brother. Best friend. Auntie. Uncle. Me. Anyone. Before you end up like me. Sat in the corner of my room crying every night. Punching the walls until you have severely bruised knuckles. Cutting yourself until you are nearly drained of blood. Starving yourself until you can't stand food at all. Don't sleep until you are completely restless. Taking so many pills, you get addicted. Kicking everything until your feet are numb. Hurting so bad until YOU are numb.

I may not know many of you, but what I do know is that you're reading a book about depression and anxiety and suicide and anorexia. If you don't suffer from any of these, I wanna encourage you to help someone that does. There are so many people taking their precious and valuable lives and what are you doing? Saying you'll be there for them but when they want to open up you're busy and can't be arsed so this person will then feel unwanted and even more alone than they already do. So I want you to start really caring because knowing you stopped someone from ending their life is one of the most rewarding feelings ever.

I may not know you, but I do care about you. I really do. Because I know how it feels. It really gets you down.

Now I recently decided on doing something that I know for sure will help and make me happy. Now. I want you to do the same. Find something you love or want to do and go for it. I can't wait to see where mine will take me in the future. And I can't wait to see all of your futures. Who knows?

It could be life changing.

I want it to be life changing.

It needs to change my life.

I want to change my life.

I want to change my outlook on life.

I want to change myself to be a more positive person.

Someone that doesn't hurt people all the time and I'm so sorry if I have.

I want to change.

I have to change.

I need to change.

I will change.

-Pandy xxxx