"I won't kill you if you leak the full demo of Just Can't Let Her Go."
Or, the one where Zayn moves back into the One Direction house for a new reality show. Problem is, it's been more than 2 years since March 25th, 2015, and everyone seems to have...
(This means Zayn's talking in the background, this is what's actually being shown on the screen, this is what someone is saying offscreen.)
My name? Well, you probably already know my name. It's in the fucking show title. But since I guess we're suddenly unable to read...my name is ZAYN. I used to be Zayn Malik but when I left the band I left my name behind, too. I couldn't go with my last name, because somewhere in the contract for some reason they owned my name. So we struck a deal and now I just don't have a last name anymore. Just to spite them, though, I made it all capital letters, so when you say it, you have to scream it, sort of like a fuck you to the shitty contract.
I'm currently 24 years old and living in LA with my beautiful blonde and skinny girlfriend. I'm saying that now and not a name so just in case you're watching a rerun it still applies.
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Am I successful? Hell yeah, I'm successful. My debut single went #1, something, uh, One Direction has never managed to do.
And where's the Pillowtalk live performance at?
We don't talk about that.
Zayn walks up to his window, looking outside and sighing dramatically.
"Will I sing live today?"
He pauses and then snorts. "Yeah, right."
How do I feel about One Direction? I mean - it's, you know, a band.
Do you think there are any hard feelings between you and the other guys?
Oh, I highly doubt it. We talk all the time and I know for a fact that we're still in good terms and they can't wait to see me again.
"I hope we never see him again!" Louis screams, throwing a dart.
The other boys whoop and high five each other. The camera pans to the dart's target - Zayn's face. It hit bullseye. The camera moves again - Harry is deliberately declining Zayn's call.
Overall, I was very excited when I first got this opportunity.
"Okay, just hear me out." Arthur, the manager, leans back in his seat and folds his hands in front of him. "A reality show...but with One Direction...living in a house...together."
The camera zooms in on Zayn's face. He's incredibly not-excited.
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