if it's you | jikook

그래서

if it's you (will it hurt to fall again?)

jikook | android!au | hanahaki disease!au

this is a love story between a broken heart and a supposedly.. battery-operated heart.

__________

그래서
so

나 정말 미치겠네
i'm really going crazy

그댄 내 전 부니까
because you're my everything

__________

he doesn't cough up flowers.

he was 23 when he had his surgery. when he wakes up, he finds his friends by the bed.

"how do you feel?"

he realises why he was in the hospital in the first place, why he felt as if something precious had been taken away from him.

hanahaki was a disease that could only be cured by a surgery, or the reciprocation of feelings. the latter was impossible, he knew it, surely. to let go, or hope that his pitiful feelings were returned, while having to keep up with blood-stained petals making their way up his throat every day.

he thinks of the name of his past lover.

"i don't feel anything."

he smiles. it was bittersweet.

he doesn't cough up flowers. not anymore.

everyone knows. the wall built around themselves would be inevitable if they had gone through this disease the first time. it took courage to crumble those walls down and risk suffering again. to risk falling in love again. if the reciprocation of feelings is still out of the picture, so is a surgery. slow, excruciating and painful death would be the only path. and philophobia is an obvious stage after the hanahaki surgery. a phase that he is stuck in.

he does not cough up flowers. not anymore, not ever.