Breakable

Chapter 8

The car ride back to my house is long and quiet, with only our separate breathing to disrupt it from total silence. Ash doesn't ask me for directions, and I don't ask him how he knows where he is going.

My head is resting against the door frame, the cold metal burning my skin. Every now and then, I can sense Ash looking over at me, but I refuse to tear my eyes away from the blurring world outside the window. I know he wants answers. I mean, of course,he does. He doesn't understand what he just saw. But what he doesn't realize is that this, what just happened back there, is normal. It's not what it seems like. I was just tired today. I couldn't deal with the anger and frustration and hurt, so I had to go.

Leaving him there. I just left him there.

Oh, God. I just left him there.

What have I done? He told me that he would never forgive me, and I still left. Shouldn't I know by now that he never exaggerates? His word is law, and now I'm the offender. How could I have been so stupid?

Suddenly, my eyes begin to burn, tears threatening to come out again. But I can't let them. I can't let Ash think anything is wrong. Because this is normal.

He can't break up with me. He can't! I'll endure whatever, DO whatever I need to to make him forgive me again. I just... I just need him. I wince slightly at the thought of what I'm going to have to endure, but I know deep down that it will be worth it. I remember that pain I saw in his eyes, the betrayal, and I know that I need to make things right again. I won't leave him, not like how my dad left me and my mother.

I finally dare a glance at Ash, and what I see is not what I expect. He looks upset. Pissed, even. His grey eyes glow with an unearthly fire, and his knuckles are white as he firmly grips the steering wheel. He must have seen me looking at him through the corner of his eyes because he turns to look back at me. When he sees my face, his features immediately soften, and he reaches out his hand to me, reaching to brush my cheek. I flinch instinctively, visions of a different hand flashing through my mind. He freezes and draws his hand back, and the fire returns.

We get to my house, and he pulls all the way up my driveway and stops, the car idling. I go to say something, anything, but all of a sudden he slams his hand on the steering wheel.

"Dammit," he shouts, causing me to sink lower into my seat. He fixes his eyes on me, and now I can see that he's not only mad at Damion. He's mad at me too.

"Why do you let him?" he shouts, his cheeks red with anger.

I can only stare back at him blankly as he breathes heavily. Huffing under his breath he turns away from me. I don't know what to do, don't know what to say. My throat is dry and it hurts. He turns to look back at me, and I'm surprised to see that tears glaze over his eyes.

"Why?" he whispers.

I lick my chapped lips, and I find my voice again.

"I don't know what you mean."

With this, I reach for the door handle. "Thanks for the ride." I exit the car, the cold air nipping my nose with a gentle bite. I begin to walk to my front door, to leave today behind, but suddenly Ash is next to me, grabbing my wrist. I yelp and pry myself from his grip. We both stand there, glaring at each other.

"He hits you," he says, and it's not a question.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," I say curtly, crossing my arms over my shivering body.

"Dammit Camilla," he swears again, taking off his beanie and brushing his hair back. I watch as a few pieces fall right back into place.

"You don't understand," I whisper.

"Then enlighten me!" he shouts, his voice catching in the wind. "Tell me how this makes sense. Tell me how it's okay that he hurts you. Tell me how it's ok that you just let it happen every time. It didn't look like you were defending yourself all that much back there. Tell me how all of this is okay. Because honestly? You're right. I don't understand."

I take a step back, startled by the intensity in his voice.

"I... I can't."

"Look Camilla..." he begins to walk towards me, but I've had enough, and take a few steps back.

"It's Cam," I whispered hoarsely, and I cleared my throat subtly.

"What?"

"My. Name. Is. CAM!" I shriek, suddenly frustrated with his questions. "Why do you even care? You've never cared before. In fact, no one has and you know it. I drop off of the face of the earth, caught up in the whirlwind I call my life, and you think someone, anyone, would say something. But nobody does. Nobody. Not even the ones that I thought cared. So you can take your pity and shove it up your ass because I don't need it."

I've shocked him into silence. My breath puffs out with every angry breath I release, and still, he says nothing. His eyes turn down, fixing on his fidgeting sneakers, and then he speaks up.

"Camilla...Cam... I've always cared. I guess you've just never noticed."

I look at his face, and I can tell that he's being sincere. There's something else there too. But I can't... He can't...

I back away, shaking my head.

"Just go. Please just go." I turn my back to him and walk to my door. Silence roars behind me, so I push myself to walk through the door. As soon as it closes, I press my back against it and try to think. Not a single tear falls for the boy outside my door, yet, my heart feels like it's breaking. Why?

I peer out my window and he's still there, staring at my front door, expressionless. I watch as he walks to his car, punching it with a muffled shout, before getting in and driving away.

I close my curtain, unable to erase what I just saw from my thoughts. But I have to because I have bigger things to worry about. I grab my phone from my pocket, fumbling to open it and send a text.

Camilla: I'm coming over. Please forgive me, I just think we should talk this out.

He doesn't respond, but I get changed and walk out the door anyway.