Nighttime Rituals

Sleepless Nights

It's been 10 days in a row now. I shouldn't be coming here. It's not right. I suppose it's not as if this is the first time I've visited him, I've been with him ever since he was child after all. That just makes the situation worse, doesn't it?

Yet there's something about him I find so fascinating, his dreams are vivid and his thoughts intelligent, his heart smells kind but there's a weight on it that he can't seem to lift, his spirit radiates the light of a good man... all the more reason I shouldn't be here. His bed is always empty yet his arm is stretched out as if he's reaching for someone he can't grasp. I've considered trying to be that someone but I know it'd only cut our time shorter.

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He's having a nightmare, tonight. He's being chased by something I can't see. He turns back, yet I can see no one nor anything in front of me nor behind me. His body is tossing and turning. I'm being selfish. I could wake him up and free him but I don't want to leave yet. I want to see him just a little bit longer. His eyes are twitching and wincing, I'm afraid he may wake himself up soon. I should cherish these last few moments I have with him, before I'm sent home.

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There's someone in the bed with him: a woman. I noticed I wasn't allowed to come here until much later. He's given me little time, tonight. I have no right to be mad at him about it, but something inside me is burning. He's holding her tight. I don't like her. Her heart smells of indifference, her spirit is dim, her mind vile. She doesn't care about him. I should kill her... but what would that do to him? How would he react to waking up next to her, her innards spilled out onto his floor?

There's a bandage on his hand, tonight. The wound smells fresh, but luckily the bleeding has seemed to slowed, if not stopped all together. Did she hurt him? Could he have gotten into a fight? No, he's not that type of human. He more likely cut himself while doing something like cooking the two of them dinner. That thought angers me. I wonder how clumsy he is, though. Is he truly the type to cut himself so seriously by accident? His breathing is heavier. Perhaps he did something to ease his pain at the cost of him sleeping heavier.

I can't stand the idea of him being hurt and I'm not quite sure why. It makes me angry yet concerned. I could help with his wound; but what would he think if he were to wake up and suddenly his cut were gone? These mixed feelings make me want to help but I know I shouldn't.

I fixed his hand, not completely, there will still be a thin scar left to heal, but he shouldn't feel the pain anymore. What have I done? I can't interfere anymore. It'd be too dangerous...

Still, something about this woman bothers me. I suppose I could give her a nightmare, nothing too serious, just enough to make her uneasy in the morning.

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She's not here, tonight. I'm happy, now I can focus on him again. Though, he's having another nightmare. It's similar to the last one and I still don't see what is chasing him. It's strange, he's never had these types of dreams until recently. His body is shaking this time. He's letting out soft whispers of "no" and "don't." I find myself wanting to hold him, to stop his shaking, to provide comfort. That would only serve to send me away, however, and I don't want to leave him.

The bandage is gone from his hand. I can still see where the cut was, just as I intended it to be. I couldn't see if for long, he started gripping the sheets tightly. This dream must be disturbing him a great deal.