The Sword in the Jello

There was once a boy who went by the name of Pickels. Pickels was a sweet boy who only wanted the best for all, rich or poor. Pickels also had a sister whose name was Vodka, who dreamed of once becoming the queen of their village. Unfortunately for Pickels (and, like, everyone else in the entire village) she was an extremely vain b**ch who also happened to be really dumb, which is why she thought that a village could have a queen.
One day, Pickels got so upset with her sister that he ran out of the house in search of peace and quiet. He ended up going to the old abandoned avocado farm just outside the village.
He then sat on an overgrown avocado and began to weep.
"Why do you cry, my boi?"
"Who's there?" asked Pickels.
"It's just me, good ol' Bob the Narwhal," said Bob the Narwhal.
"Oh. Sorry." said Pickels.
"Anyway, why do you cry, my boi?" said the Narwhal.
"My sister is so vain and annoying and I can't bear to live with her anymore," wimpered Pickels.
"Oh."
They sat there in a sort of awkward silence for a while, 'till Pickels got an idea:
"I have an idea! How about we go on an adventure! Just you and me! We'll explore the world!!" he said dramatically.
Bob the Narwhal agreed, and they set off. They saw many sights and many cities, but one day, they saw something truly special: a sword in a pile of jello.
"Dear God, I've heard of this," said Bob the Narwhal, "someone told me of a legend of a magical king who once dropped his sword in a pile of jello, and never picked it up because he had a heart attack two seconds later. This must be his sword!"
But Pickels was barely listening. He was still looking at the jello-covered sword in awe. It was so glorious. He bent down to pick it up.
"Be careful boi!" exclaimed Bob, "only the AWESOME ONE can pick up that sword! Otherwise you'll get zapped into a different dimension!"
But Pickels picked it up anyway. He was a dumb kid.
But when he raised the sword, it glowed with the pinkness of a thousand strawberry jellos and he immediately felt the power of the foot of a lion.
"Dear God..." murmured Bob the Narwhal, "You.... you must be... the AWESOME ONE!!"
"DAMN RIGHT" said Pickels, "I'M THE AWESOMEST!!"
When the sword finally stopped glowing, Bob saw that Pickels had transformed from a scrawny boi to a really buff and AWESOME man.
"I SHALL RETURN TO MY VILLAGE", boomed Pickels, "AND WHEN I RETURN I SHALL BE RECOGNIZED AS KING!!"
"y u hef 2 shout liek dat" muttered Bob.
They returned home riding pizza unicorns, and when they returned, Pickels slayed his selfish sister with such an incredible amount of awesomeness that it turned her into a pile of jello. The village was so happy with him for slaying that selfish brat that they immediately nominated him king of their village.
And that is the story of King Pickels and the Sword in the Jello.

The end.