It's like a void. A dark void. A never ending dark void that consumes everything, so your left feeling nothing. Empty. Nothing. Numb.
───
Spencer sat staring off, her body slouched against the bathroom wall. She couldn't move or cry. The force of numbnes weighing her down.
She wasn't ready to become a mother.
───
S
pencer lost awareness of time in the weeks that had past. Toby was still away for unresolved family issues.. The urge to give up was immense, she didn't eat or sleep. She could care less about what happened to her or the baby.
Her parents were out of town, leaving her in the care of Melissa. "Look Spence I thought whatever this is. Would go away. I can't sit back and watch you deteriorate. You isolated yourself, cutting off everyone who loves you." Spencer just nodded. "Toby gets back in a few days, hopefully you can open up to him. Not shut him out like you do to other people."
───
T
oby arrived later that week at the Hastings household. He fixed his jacket and rang their doorbell. Spencer answered the door.
"Hey your back" she's says a small smile forming. He leaned down to pick her up, but she pushes away. "Spencer" he says concerningly, examining her closely. The sparkle in her brown eyes were replaced by red eyes. As if she was recently crying. Her brown locks thrown up in a messy bun.. Her body frail and the bags under her eyes almost purple. " You look like crap"
"Yeah and I feel like it" she mutters "What's going on?" " I- I" she stutters. "Spencer I mean it. I haven't seen you in weeks. What happened when I was out of town?" She looks into his eyes, and glances away, "I don't know, guess I haven't been sleeping" "Spencer. It's not just the lack of sleep." He pulls her closer "your not eating either." She sighs. Nothing could ever go unnoticed with Toby.
She lead Toby to her room. "I'm Late"
"How long?" "A month" she said her hand rubbing her temple. "I don't understand how something like that completely crossed my mind." "I thought we were careful?" "We weren't back around early November." He sighed, "Did you have symptoms?" "Almost all of them, food aversion, sore just about everywhere, peeing all the time-" "Did you test?" He said interrupting her. "No I couldn't without you."
"I have them" she said pulling out a grocery bag.
~
She sat on her bed waiting for the timer to go off. Toby standing beside her. The silence eating away at them.
"How long?" "Three minutes, It said on the package."
"What are we going to do if-" "Toby I'm a sophomore, okay, im having a hard enough time juggling exams. "I know but would be such a bad thing" "In this context it would. I'm sorry but it would."
They sat in silence for a bit before Toby spoke. "Your talking about this like it would be- ruin our lives. I mean wasn't this what we were planning for eventually?" "I- I don't know I really- hadn't really thought that far ahead. " "Well have you made up your mind about me?" "Don't make this about something that it isn't."
"Can we please not do this right now? It is- this is really hard" she said her voice cracking. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make it harder"
The timer went off, two lines were clearly visible. Spencer broke down sobbing. He immediately embraced her. "I'm not going anywhere. You know that." He held her tighter, "it'll be okay"
She looked up at him, "how can you say that? I'm seventeen. I can't-" she looked down "I can't talk about this now." "When will you be able to then" "I really don't know" she said wiping her eyes.
"I love you." He said breaking down as well.
The silence was heavy, Toby wrapped his strong arms around her. She felt safe in his arms, her safe place to land.
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