I Have Questions

F o u r

Hers, PAST.
3 years ago.

I started driving with no idea where to run and go. I can't call my friends, especially Luke and Martin. I'm too exhausted to deal with their words about what happened. I know they'll just rant over me and tell how fvck and stupid I am for letting Harry get the best out of me.

I don't know what to do. I have nowhere else to go. I just dropped my keys over Luke earlier this morning and I don't have any spare key. Great, just great. You're totally fvcked up lil girl.

I decided to park the car in front of The Bay, a hotel. My eyes are sore and my body will possibly collapse any minute. The emails I received drained all the energy I have for the day and I know I can't stand another minute without fainting.

The receptionist immediately catered all my needs and handed me the keys for my room. I asked them to drop 5 bottles of Jack Daniels to my room. The girl hesitated at first and asks for some ID. She also have this "Who the hell is drinking whiskey at 10 AM?" look in her face. Another receptionist came over and whispered something to her and she instantly nods her head. Maybe the other girl recognized me.

I'm just 17 and I don't usually drink but who gives the actual fvck? Besides, I'm turning 18 in 2 weeks. And all I want now is to feel nothing but numbness. Like there's someone who cares.

I'm preparing myself to take the bath when the bell rang. The liquor must be it. I opened the door and the staff handed me the bottles. Another staff came in and dropped my luggages.

I went straight to the bathroom after I closed the door and filled the tub with water.

I need some sleep, some rest. But soaking in a tub filled with pink, strawberry scented liquid may do no harm.

I removed my robe and let my body drenched by the sweet, pink, warm water. Held the bottle to my mouth and let the whiskey took over my whole damn throat. The unfamiliar burn of whiskey coated my throat. I got easily heated as I drink more.

As I finished my third bottle, I can't open my eyes without a pounding feeling in my head. Oh yes, come on death, eat me now, I thought to myself. This must be the feeling Luke's been telling me all the time about drinking too much liquor. Well too much for me coz I'm not an alcohol pro. Tss

I reached for my phone over the sink counter, checked the time and opened the emails again.

I scanned the picture carefully but my head's spinning and my eyes are partially blur to focus. Maybe because I'm wasted? Or is it because I'm crying? Idunno. But I feel like I've been running out of tears and I'm completely, badly exhausted since this morning. My head hurts, so much. Yet, instead of letting myself sleep in the tub, I opened the fourth bottle and gulped it all at once. I now love the burn effect of whiskey in my throat and the heat it gives my body. Not minding the coldness of water around me.

I stare at the picture for several minutes until my phone started vibrating.

It's Martin.

"Yanna! Oh my God! Where are you?!" He shouted on the other line.

"Hey .."

"Does it matter?" I chuckled.

"Tell me where you are and I'll come and get you." He replied in a deep serious voice.

"N .. no wayyy Garritsen .. you. are. not. coming. here. whyyy? .. to tell me I'm stupid? .. that I'm .. I'm a,  mess..? ohhh noooo."

"No Yanna. Listen." His stern voice filled my ears.