Fleeting Feelings. Concrete Words.

Note To Self

Dear Beautiful Strong Baby Girl,

I know under normal circumstances you would have gotten the first of these letters at a later stage, but somehow you have lived a world of experiences far too old for someone as young as you, a bit too early.

It’s January 10th 2018, and I think it’s finally time for you to know what and who you truly are. The world has left its infinite amount of bruises, scrapes and cuts on you but you turned them into beautiful scars without losing your ability to dream.

Men came and monsters left, but through it all you always loved hard and long. At the tender age of 15, 16  and up until 24 you held onto people who weren’t meant to stay and lost more than just your sense of peace along the way. 

I take full responsibility for forcing you to grow up beyond your years and giving you secrets to carry that were too heavy for your innocence to understand. At 16 I forced you to endure the abuse of a man who didn’t look at you as a person and for that, I am so very sorry. I allowed you to be traded as change for his ever growing ego and the price you paid was one that would never be replaceable.

Years passed and I further forced you to interact with people who didn’t deserve to be in your presence, who didn’t value your grace, belittled your strength, abused your beauty and for that  I don’t think sorry will ever suffice.

But my beautiful darling, you are more than I have allowed you to give yourself credit for and you are greater than even I had an inclining about. You are more woman than I had known and more innocent than the world is used to, but don’t let it go.

You have beautifully taken your experience and created kindness. You have helped me understand what surrendering to God’s plan really is and for that I am forever grateful.

I can’t promise you that you won’t encounter hate again, in all fairness you do every day, but I will never again let you become the doormat to their unfinished inner battles. For this you have my eternal word.

You are an ocean of strength, love, grace, humility, bravery, faith, conviction, instinct, and so much more. But through it all you are beautiful, and you have earned every wave that makes up your never ending depth.

I can’t do much to make you understand how grateful I am for your unwavering friendship and loyalty but remember this, my love… You are beautiful. You are. For all the people who commented, the naysayers that pointed and laughed, the ones that told you not to believe in yourself, you are far above.

I love you, my angel and I hope you have a beautiful year. Until the next time I write you, it’s time for me to have your back for all the years that you’ve had mine, and the ones to follow.

All my love,

Yours. 

Dilz