Poetry Book

Hiding behind fake feelings

I sit here and tell you I'm fine, but I could not be more of a liar.
I tell you that, so no one worries about me.
I wish to open up, I really want to.
But, I always fear what truly happens if people see who I really am.

I fake a smile when everyone’s around, so they don’t know I’m a cryer.
I hide behind a wall of fake feelings, so no one will see.
And something I really want to do.
Is to tell someone that I’m not fine, that I’m depressed, that most of my emotions are a scam.

But, for now I will keep hiding behind these fake feelings.
And no one will know that I feel truly alone and scared.
I’m as broken as a porcelain doll that’s been smashed on the ground.
No one knows that my true feelings are tearing me apart.

I no longer find sleeping, eating or living appealing.
Then again, I don’t believe anyone ever cared.
You can look into my eyes, but there isn’t a soul to be found.
I know now that I have a broken soul, mind and heart.

I wish I could change this, but this wish won’t come true.
I truly feel that I’m ugly and broken inside.
I hate that I’m this way and I hate that I can’t change
I want it all to go away, I want this pain to end.

Because, no one truly knows what I’ve been through.
I now always feel like I need to hide.
Because, if I show my true feelings I know people will think that I’m strange.
As much as I know that this world sucks, at least I know I have a true friend.

I know that I am far from perfect and I am barely human at all.
I still truly know one thing.
That this entire screwed up world is cold and cruel.
And there is almost nothing we can do about that.

I have one true question for the people who judge me for when I cry, feel down or depressed.
Are you a real human being?
How can you be so judgemental and brutal?
We all get hurt at one point or another it’s a part of life, can you really judge people for when we feel like we’ve been hit with a baseball bat?

People are horrible, mean, soul-crushing, and unkind.
They’ve made me this broken and hurting soul.
I know there’s no hope for me anymore and I’m full of darkness and despair.
But,I won’t let them see.

That for me there is no being fixed, and there is no way for time to rewind.
But, I know Karma is real and it will take its toll.
I don’t know when and I don’t know where.
But, they will have hell to pay for what they’ve done to me.

I try and get better everyday.
To not be as depressed and to be more open.
I may never be fully fixed or complete.
But, it never really works the way it’s supposed to.

I get even more depressed and turn the other way.
I feel like trying to fix myself makes me more empty and broken.
Although, I keep that a secret I’m very discreet.
So for now my fake feelings are here to stay as long as I need them to be, so people think I’m happy and to think I’m okay, because some people still need to think I’m happy, there's still somethings that I need to do

(Hey guys, I hope you like this poem even though it's very deep and depressing. I am also working on a bunch of stories so, stay tuned.)