I am in a phase in my life that feels very alien to me. I have improved in some aspects, but unfortunately aspects that I have been well in I am going downhill in. And it depresses me because what doesn't? I am a very ungrateful person I know, nothing makes me happy, but please believe me when I tell you that I crave happiness so much. How I long to feel pure fulfillment. How I long to be the affectionate, ebullient, little girl I used to be. Unfortunately, the people I admired most disappointed me and abandoned me and now... it is so hard for me to open up. Now, anxiety ails me. Impeding me from enjoying talking to some friends because a little voice inside my head is telling me that it is no time for fun... that I do not deserve any enjoyment because of my failures. To make matters worse, the time I dedicate to work goes to waste. My progress is stagnant. I am running as fast as possible but I am getting nowhere. People call me courageous for the decisions I have taken, but what they don't know is that everyday I wake up, I feel a panic build inside me. It's origin I do not know of, but what I do know is that it floods my mind and never leaves. So, before I was overwhelmingly sad, but at least I had some tenacity. Now... well... isn't it obvious?
