Hope is a Waking Dream

Chapter 18

It took several weeks for Sheppard to fully recover. He had a few therapy sessions but talked absently about his time with the Genii. Carter was advised by the therapist not to press him for a written report, knowing that when he was ready, she would receive a military account of his time on P43-981. The man never got into personal details in his reports, and Carter resigned herself to the fact that they may never know exactly what happened to him. He would bottle up the personal details. That was just how he was. His team was aware that he had been hunted for two months by the sadistic Genii commander who had killed the only people that helped him, but he had not told them much else.

The Colonel had also wanted to pass on a message he had been given by members of a Genii resistance he encountered. He saw to it the message went to the proper gate address, but did not pursue it further.

A few times while he was recovering in the infirmary and when he was half asleep and confused from the drugs, he had asked Teyla where Helo and Nika were. When she asked him who they were later, he waved her off, saying that they had helped him a few times. Teyla had a feeling these men were somehow involved in the resistance or perhaps were one of the locals that Sheppard had encountered, but patiently waited until the man was ready to talk.

Ronan eventually revealed to Carter that Sheppard had told him Jenar had killed any of his men who failed to capture him. The manhunt was a desperate one as it wasn't just their honour the Genii were trying to protect. It appeared that Jenar's sadistic hold over his men held them in captive fear and their hunt for Sheppard was out of sheer desperation to save their lives and that of their families, as was later uncovered by Ladon.

Carson didn't want to leave the pilot alone while he recovered in the infirmary. Sheppard would often wake, delirious and unaware of his surroundings, lashing out at anyone who tried to touch him. It took a fair bit of effort by the patient doctor to finally get Sheppard to trust his friends enough to not flinch at a simple touch.

The pilot had lived in the wilderness so long that it also took a while for him to get used to sleeping in a bed again. Once his wounds started healing, he would lie awake for hours at night, shifting about on the bed, and finally falling asleep leaning against the hard wall, taking comfort in the sanctuary of having something at his back while he slept. Eventually, he was able to sleep through the night and awaken without feeling as though he needed to be on the move before someone found him.

He was sitting on a bench with Teyla, Ronan and Rodney on the dock of Atlantis one evening, watching the sun disappear over the horizon. He had his right leg in a brace and a crutch lay on the ground in Carson's attempt to make the Colonel keep weight off of the injury. Sheppard felt he was barely limping now, but carried the crutch to keep the doctor happy.

"I'm so sorry," Rodney said suddenly.

Sheppard jerked his head towards the scientist, surprised. "What?"

"I'm sorry. It was my fault. We should have looked harder. We gave up too soon."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "The Genii made sure you thought I was dead. There's nothing to be sorry for."

"Just ... just stop it!" McKay's voice had gone higher, and Sheppard turned to the man, shocked to see his eyes red and angry tears beginning to form. Teyla and Ronan moved closer to the scientist in an unconscious act of support.

"We thought you were dead. Knew you were dead. I went and talked to your dad and your brother. Your brother wanted to have a memorial service. Thank God, they didn't have it yet! And it was my fault, because I'm the one who heard that gunshot. I believed you were gone."

Sheppard turned to face Rodney who glared at him, one tear unabashedly trickling down his face.

"I'm sorry, Rodney," he said softly. "If I could change things, I would."

Teyla wrapped an arm around the scientist's shoulders as he sniffed, wiping his face on his sleeve and making an attempt to dignify himself. He looked out at the setting sun, blinking rapidly, the sky awash with different shades of red, pink and orange.

"John is safe now," she said softly, then looked at Sheppard. "You are home. We are so very glad. We cannot begin to tell you how happy we are."

There was a long silence, then Ronan asked quietly, "What did they do to you?"

Sheppard shifted, looking out over the water at the sliver of sun that remained above the horizon. When he finally broke the silence, the words came slowly, with difficulty.

"The Genii commander ... his name was Jenar."

The tale was slow to start, and Sheppard wasn't the most eloquent storyteller, but when he finished, his team was sitting close, Teyla was holding his hand, and Ronan had gripped his uninjured shoulder solidly to show his support.

There was a long silence when he finished. The stars had appeared and there was no trace of the sun, just purple light on the horizon.

"I can't make any promises to you," Sheppard finally said. "I'll be there for you, as much as I can. I couldn't be there for you then, and I'm sorry."

"You did good," Ronan said gruffly.

"You did your best," McKay said. "We got home. We were safe."

"I know you guys are probably feeling guilty. You told me you were," Sheppard continued. "It's in the past. It's forgotten. There's no need to dwell on it. What's done is done. I'm home, and you guys ... you're safe. You took care of each other. And we're all still here. That's what I wanted."

They were simple words, but it was enough for all of them.

And they looked at the stars over the city.