Play With Me Not

Exchanging of Words

"It's not my fault! You knew this would happen when you left!"

"No, Emma, I didn't! I didn't know that this would happen! I didn't know that you would be not willing to fix this," Brett's aggression fades away as he feels the guilt. His hand reaches out for my arm but the steamed anger or helpless confusion in me tells me to pull away. "...or that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore... or that you would go ahead and throw my stuff out," his aggression reappears as he looks back at the open door where his stuff is lying.

"You knew exactly what you were doing Brett! You can't tell me that kissing that stranger was an accident or that 'it just happened' when you were obviously sober!" My voice rings and bounces off the plain and empty walls of the lobby in my apartment building letting it reverberate back to my ears. It makes it feel like some sort of bad dream, but it's just a bad reality.

"You know I'm bipolar you dumb bitch!" My heart froze just for a second as I try to recollect myself from the spiteful word.

"You were on your meds then," I say breathlessly. His eyes flicker to the floor and all around my apartment but never on me.

"Emma, I'm sorry. I-"

"You know what Brett, just get out."

"What-"

"You heard me. Get out!" I grab his shoulder and force him to turn around. "I'm so tired of picking you up and trying to help you when you're not even trying to get better!" We finally reach the steps of my porch out in the cold rain. The drops are hitting me hard on my skin as if it's trying to break in.

"Get off me! You're going to regret this Emma! You need me!" He grabs his soaking wet bags off the concrete at the bottom of the steps.

"Yeah –no, what I need is for you to leave, get some help and don't even think about coming back." I watch his dark silhouette disappear under the orange street lights into darkness. "I mean it this time Brett!" My arms involuntarily cross over each other as I try hopelessly to warm myself up. The rain is cold but to do what I just did makes the day feel all that much colder. Lately Toronto has been trying to rush to its winter period in the middle of September, but Mother Nature continues to teach it patience with the use of rain storms. I usually love stormy weather, but it's just like Mother Nature to give this sort of perfect timing.

"It'll get better," someone yells in the distance. I snap my head up to see someone across from my apartment in another apartment building. It's not the same complex it's just another competing apartment. A tall dark clothed figure is leaning against the stair rails of his apartment. I can see him lick the rain off his lips as they fall from his curly hair while he's staring at me as if he knows me.

"How do you know that," I question back tilting my head to the side as I hover my hand over my eyes to get a better look at him.

"I don't," He unravels his crossed arms and begins to reach the door to his apartment building. "But it will, trust me." He leaves me alone in the rain as he enters his apartment. I drop my hands to my sides and do the same; I leave.

***************

"Did he try coming back this morning?"

"No, thank God. He didn't even call." I say with a feeling of relief.

"Maybe he'll finally leave for good this time," my friend Lindsey tries to reassure.

"Yeah, maybe," I scoff "when hell freezes over twice." She chuckles lightly to herself at my sarcasm.