the beginning(hunhan one-shot)

         -----luhan's p.o.v--

The only reason I'm living right now is to be a robot, no feelings are in me only the feelings of despair. The dream I had this afternoon kept haunting me, I can't hope for anything anymore. cheesy as it sounds, that one dream gave me a big blow, I never want that dream again. The dream where everyone hated me for being alive. Can't I live happily? I just cant get the best of both world... This heart of mine is feeling so empty.

(if you want, hear this song from one ok rock -the beginning)

~so where do I begin?~

My heart isn't feeling right , my tears kept flowing like how rivers flows. My expression was okay but now it look like someone just died.

~just give me a reason to keep my heart beating~

I told myself countless of reasons why I have to live but all those positive thoughts became negative.....

I guess the impact only happen because the guy I love was giving me a reason to kill myself, in that very dream I was a laughing stock and a trash to everyone. where can I go right now????

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  I'm outside sitting on the bench near the river. This place is the most beautiful place I've ever seen, maybe....I could die here...I won't have any regret, this will be a nice resting place for me

~I risk everything if it for you, I whisper into the night telling me it's not my time and dont give up~

too bad all those things I did with you was only a thing that you called  what "friends" should do.. was hugging and holding each other really something that friends do?

My life, My family, My friends, My closent friends that I treat them like brothers(exo) and My love, Sehun......

I wonder if anyone have ever realise how I'm feeling right now..

hah.........

what am I thinking........

why would they..........

~just tell me why baby, they might call me crazy for saying I'd fight until there is no more~

I stood up, making a decision to drown myself in this very beautiful river right infront of me, I start walking slowly towards it. Thinking if anyone would find my body, would sehun know? would he care?? would he have smile when I die? would he cry for me?? I'll be delighted if he cry, knowing that he cared for me but too bad I wouldnt be able to see him do that..

"GOD, are you looking at me right now?? I'm sorry, I'm gonna be a big sinner for killing myself but I rather choose this path than living through this shit, I'm not confident that the dream was only a dream. I'm that desperate.... I'm sorry,,, this is where my destination should  be" tears kept flowing, I smile half-heartedly feeling like god have also given up on me just like that dream. "but thanks for those treasured memories I had with my love ones" " see ya world, may I be sentence to a better life through my sins"

I finally went dip into the river, letting go of my breathe. Letting the water flow through my body,

this feels nice

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I woke up... where am I?? this place above look so white..(ceiling)

"I shouldn't be in heaven.. I tried killing myself... where am I" I then heard people crying, countless of people were crying, my members(exo) were there when I turned to the sounds