Yes. I know. Do not feel obligated to tell me - I am very well aware that I have misled you ravenous music consumers with this fresh post about - gasp - a fragrance! Fear not, there will be many future posts regarding la musique, so stretch out and brace yourselves. In the meantime, please feel free to sit back and enjoy this cringe-worthy assessment regarding a carnal bottle of some music-to-the-nose, because trust me, it will be cringe worthy... not necessarily my review (it very well could be), but the fragrance itself. You shall see, as I will not spoil anything - if that is possible. This bizarre prelude will all make sense in a meagre moment!
Sécrétions Magnifiques. How do I type this without blushing? The name should literally paint a graphic image in the canvas of mind, that is if you understand the art of the French language. If not, that is absolutely fine - I honestly do not mind morphing into Google Translate for a moment and enlightening/unenlightening you with the true meaning of this infamous scent...
Êtes-vous prêtes? It means: (parental advisory, explicit content) Magnificent Secretions.
Now that you have officially lost your precious innocence, it is time to dissect this odorous substance of chemical warfare and determine whether it is terribly phenomenal, or phenomenally terrible. Most individuals whom have had the blessed opportunity of sampling this idiosyncratic scent agree that Sécrétions Magnifiques belongs in the latter category, only the rare individual claiming that it is an unmitigated olfactory masterpiece and ultimately rendering the fragrance absolutely polarizing. Manufactured by the avant-garde French perfume house, Etat Libre d'Orange (free state of orange), S.M was designed to replicate the natural odours of the human being, such as blood, sweat, sperm, and saliva. Allow us to pause for a moment - sperm!? Who in the bloody universe would want to enter a supermarket, or anywhere for that matter, smelling like they just engaged in rampant sexual intercourse? Do not answer that!
Nevertheless, the bizarre concoction of molecules does pique the interest of many individuals, for it is so dreadfully appalling and unique that any fragrance aficionado à-la-curiosité must take the challenge and sample the frag for the mere sake of checking it off their bucket list, alas sating the internal monster of inquisitiveness. The online commentary regarding S.M only manages to perpetuate such aggressive wonder, as the comical fashion in which the perfume is described subconsciously ushers one to order a vile vial of the substance as soon as possible.
Some say that the scent is not at all comparable to semen, instead reminding them of decaying flesh, metallic fish oil, daunting disease, rotting seaweed, insects devouring excrement, and even robots engaging in intercourse. The rare percentage of individuals declare that S.M it is not at all wonderful, but not at all hideous. The rarest sector of humanity actually love it. Overall, it is simple to discern that ELd'O spawned an olfactory monster that can simultaneously spark both the imagination and the gag-reflex, ultimately scarring the mind with an outlandish experience like none other. I suppose the only way to truly grasp the
intention of Sécrétions Magnifiques is by hesitantly testing it out... and if you decide to do so, just remember that I warned you!
*Fragrance description below
Are you ready to take the plunge and purchase this beast? The box set includes:
A pair of non biodegradable rubber gloves, bubble wrap, nose plugs, a defibrillator, a gas mask, high-intensity coffee beans, and of course a 1 mL vial of Sécrétions Magnifiques. No returns or refunds. Death may occur.**
About the fragrance:
Main accords: marine, milky, balsamic, powdery, woody, sweet. Recall that chemistry is deceptive.
Composition: Lodized accord (fucus, azurone), adrenalin accord, blood accord, milk accord, iris, coconut, sandalwood, opoponax...
Nose for this fragrance is Antoine Lie. You can blame him.
About the review:
Main accords: Satire, sour, inspiration, honesty, cringe, a dash of controversy, and a hint of sarcasm.
**Although Sécrétions Magnifiques does exist, the majority of my descriptions regarding it are meant for comical purposes only. Yes, the scent is foul and revolting, but it is in no way harmful (unless consumed!). Please take my commentary with a grain of salt.
On that note, thank you for your time!!
