He hasn't been himself since Near died.
Oh, sure, he likes to pretend that he's okay, that things are fine, but I can tell the difference: he doesn't smile at all now, there's no light in his eyes, and every once in a while, I swear, there's the glimmer of tears...
He won't admit that, though. I know he won't. Too much pride in his ability to be emotionless. He wants to keep up his act, his ability to be like L. It's hard on him, but he wants to do it.
If you don't look at him head-on, you'd think that he was okay. If you didn't know him as well as I do, you'd think he was perfectly fine, indifferent to the death of the boy who had come into his room at night to ask him for stories, for hugs, for kisses, and, as he grew up, for his love. Not that many knew the last bit: the two of them have always been private people, and this has always been their greatest secret. I only know because I've seen them together so much, I know it had to happen. That's why I'm sure he's breaking himself into pieces because of it.
It's not fair that Near died and left him here. It's not fair because anyone could see the two of them were supposed to be together! It's not fair. The two of them were supposed to have some great story where Near and he would die together in the line of duty, or where they were just supposed to be together and be happy. It's not fair that Near died and left B here alone. It's not fair.
But then, since when is life ever fair? If it was fair, I would've been the one to meet B first. I would've been the one who would crawl into his bed, cling to him, tell him that I was frightened of some silly, imagined creature, and ask him if he, as the stronger monster, would protect me. I would've been the one to have his kisses, his heart, his love.
Life's not like that. Instead of me getting B's heart, I got a scar across the right side of my body and a heart-attack. Then again, B got his heart broken when Near passed. So maybe life is fair to me. But it sucks to be him. Sucks to be anyone from Wammy's.
So the moral of this story, kids? Don't ever go to Wammy's. It's not the beautiful life you'd expect. Nothing was beautiful about that place. Not even the people in it, as much as you'd like to think we were. So stay away from it. Just don't go.
Just. Don't.
