[Present]
“You should make up your mind”
“If this is the life that you want to surrender to, at least be sure of it”, she explained.
“I will. But not just now”, I replied without even looking at my mother. I have already regretted the decision of accepting her dinner and overnight invites by then.
The truth was I have made my decision. The only thing holding me back was my own uncertainty.
I swiftly changed my attention to the picture hanging on the wall. It was my father’s favorite.
I was thirteen. I remembered him talking about the art work for 2 full weeks. I remembered how my mother responded to all his opinions on the brilliant art piece. Even though I knew –just like the rest of us - she was almost done with it as well. She loved him and for that, she took patience in every second.
“Mama, where are you?” Johnny’s voice interrupted my moments down the memory lane.
“I’m in here sweetheart”, I replied and my eyes went searching for his shadow from the corner of the kitchen.
“Izzie took my computer and she’s not letting me play”, he complained of my sister when he entered. He made a frowned and threw his body on the kitchen floor.
“Now, you know it’s your bedtime. Come here, I’ll carry you to your grandma’s bedroom” I spoke slowly and patiently to him. Seems to be running out of it lately- and I know why.
He reached out his hand while his body was still on the floor. He closes his eyes, now pretending as if he’s fallen asleep. I made a silent giggle that he just knew too well.
As I picked him up, I could feel my mother’s eyes were watching my every move.
“I’ll be back”, I told her without even looking.
I climbed up the stairs, placed my angel on my mum’s bed and sang a lullaby until he slowly fell asleep. I tucked him in and as I was about to reach the door, I turned around and watched him sleeping peacefully. His face was smiling – which I rarely see these days.
That’s when I made up my mind. It is time.
I hurried down the stairs and went straight into the kitchen. I saw my mother staring at the plates that she was wiping and that caught her by surprised. I knew she was worried for me- for us. But she needed not to be. For I am ready with whatever this may lead to.
“I’ll be back, I need to make a phone call”, I left my mother as soon as those words came out from my mouth.
I went out of the kitchen door and went straight to the garage. I searched for my mobile in my pocket and gave a relieved sigh once I found it.
‘Is this it?’ I kept asking myself. As I turned the flip over, my hands were shaking. The unfamiliar feeling that’s bursting in my chest was causing me too much pain that I just had to get it over and done with.
I stood frozen, staring at the screen. Thinking for the last time before the words comes out from my mouth. As soon as I composed myself, I pressed the digits and waited for the ringing sound to be answered. And it did.
“Hello? “
