In a Million Lifetimes

Chapter One

There was a storm when we arrived. White flashes of lightning momentarily interrupted the blackness in the sky revealing a young man standing amidst the rain, holding an umbrella. He was waving to us, and although I couldn't see his face clearly through the heavy rain, it was hard not to notice the luminous smile on his face that emitted light into the gloomy night. "You remember Ryan." said my aunt as she parked her car. 

 Apartment 19 was small and cold. My brothers, exhausted from our long journey, fell into a deep sleep the moment my aunt showed us to the beds in the room she had prepared for us. Soon after, my aunt, who had driven for two hours back and forth to get us from the airport, was dragged by fatigue into her own bed.

 For a moment the house was silent, save for the loud sound of my thoughts, audible to no one but myself. Here I was. A guest in somebody else's house. A resident of a new town I knew nothing about. How did the events conspire? I felt lost. There was nowhere I belonged.  But it didn't matter, because I was here here now. This is all I had now. And I had to deal with it.

 Ryan came and sat next to me on the couch. He commented on the weather. There was a short pause, then he said, "Esther, I never told you in person how sorry I am about your father. I don't have a lot of memories of him, but I know how much he meant to you, and I really am sorry." 

  In the previous couple of months , many people have expressed their condolences to me, and it always felt forced and insincere. As though it was rehearsed: something they were trained to say at a funeral, or to the family of the dead, regardless of whether they meant it or not. But not this time. Ryan meant every word he said, and if you couldn't hear it in his voice, then you could see it in his eyes.  

 Before I knew it, there were two strings of water hanging from my eyes, flowing effortlessly. I don't know what triggered the tears, but this time I didn't fight them. After I consumed the tissues Ryan gave me, he apologized for bringing my father up, for reminding me. "I'm never not thinking of him, Ryan. My father's absence is so loud. It's so drowning. I feel it all the time, everywhere I go."  

 He looked at me and sighed, "I wish I could comfort you...but no words in the world can ease you're grief, only time can do that." he said softly.

 "Sometimes I doubt that," I replied, "I don't believe it will ever be easier, I just think I'll learn to live with the sadness."

"You wont be sad your whole life, Esther", he told me reassuringly.

I hoped he was right.

Our conversation visited many topics until it landed on the taekwondo class he was taking.

"Korean martial art? What got you into that?" I asked, surprised.

"I saw a flyer" 

"And?"

"And the guy was doing an impressive jump that intrigued me," he paused, smirked and looked at me, "I can do that jump now" he said proudly.

"Show me" I said. The tears where dry on my face and my lips were curled in a smile.

He told me he couldn't because he was wearing pajamas, and he would show me once he was wearing his taekwondo uniform, called dobok. 

"So if an intruder comes in right now, you'll politely ask them to wait while you change?" I said sarcastically.

I  made him laugh. 

"If an intruder came in I'll let you persuade them to leave with your witty tongue."

I smiled at him and he smiled back. And for the first time since I had gotten here, I really looked at him. The way time had carved his face was fascinating. All his features complemented each other perfectly, from his sharp jawline to his soft brown eyes. 

Although it had been many years since I last saw Ryan, there was a connection between us that had not been severed by time.

For a while we sat in silence listening to the raindrops tapping on the large window in the living room. Without realizing it, I slowly drifted into the land of dreams. 

 Thank you all for reading :)