"Shhh...baby shhhhh..." I run my fingers through my hair as my daughter cries out once again, huge tears rolling down her cheeks. "Violet, it's okay, Mommy's here," I soothe, picking her up in my arms and swaying back and forth. I plant a soft kiss on her smooth forehead as she quiets down. After gently setting her back down in her crib, I make my way back to my bedroom. Our bedroom. Well, it's supposed to be our bedroom. Luke's always on tour, and when he's not, he's out with the boys. I sigh, climbing into bed and closing my eyes.
Where are you?
The sound of the door opening wakes me up. I rub my eyes and see a large figure moving through the darkness.
"Luke?"
"Yeah," he replies.
I reach over and turn the bedside lamp on. Luke is standing in front of the dresser, currently in the process of removing his shirt.
"Where have you been?" I ask.
"With Calum and Josh, the usual place."
I look over at the clock. 2 A.M.
"You're always back by midnight. Luke, this is getting out of hand," I said, standing up and walking over to him.
"Y/N, honey, how is this getting out of hand? Everyone goes out with their friends."
I sigh, "That's true, but every single night?"
He shrugs, "I just like spending time with them. We have a good time."
I nod slowly, "Okay. So, while you're out having a good time, your wife is here, alone with your one year old daughter, having to make dinner, clean up, and put Violet to bed with no help at all."
I could feel my voice getting louder and my face getting more and more flushed, but I didn't care. I've had enough.
"Y/N, I-"
"No. Let me finish. I am sick and tired of always being put last on your list of priorities. You're always on tour, and it's bad enough that I never see you then. But then, when you come home, you're still not around. Luke, I miss you. I miss the time when we spent every day together. I miss the butterflies I used to get when I saw your face."
He just stood there, chewing on his lip and staring at the floor.
I continued, "Also, you're missing out on your only daughter's life. She wishes you were here almost as much as I do. Violet's not stupid, Luke. She knows that you're supposed to be around, but you're not."
It was then that the tears started coming, pouring down my face and making a wet patch on my shirt.
"I don't know what has changed, but this is NOT the man I fell in love with."
I see a tear slip down his cheek and he closes his eyes, taking long shaky breaths.
"You're right," Luke says so quietly I can barely hear him.
I clench my jaw as he looks up at me, his blue eyes brimming with tears, "I...I don't know what's wrong with me."
I stay silent as he takes another deep breath.
"I guess...I guess I'm just an idiot."
"Agreed," I snap.
"I'm an idiot to think that you would just wait for me. Wait for me to finish tour, wait for me to come back from the bar, without any complaints. I'm fucking selfish. That's what I am, and you have every right to be angry. I don't even know why you put up with me."
I was expecting him to argue back, to yell that I'm wrong, to storm out. But I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting him to agree with me. I wasn't expecting him to have tears running down his face.
"I need to get my shit together because I have a family now. I've been a horrible father and a horrible husband. But I'm going to change that. I promise. Because I love you and Violet more than anyone else in the entire world."
Now I'm the one that's speechless.
"Luke...did you mean that?" I whisper, even more tears rushing down my cheeks.
"Every word," he says, looking into my eyes.
The silence that fills the air is enough to suffocate me, and you could cut the tension that goes along with it with a knife.
"Honey...I'm so sorry. For everything," he says, the tears flowing freely down his face.
I sigh and climb back into bed, leaving him standing there without anything else to say.
Luke's face falls, "I'll take the couch."
"Don't you dare," I reply.
"You want me to leave?" he whispers, his eyes widening.
"No. I want you in this bed with me."
A small smile flits across his face as I hold out my arms and pull back the soft comforter. He slides in beside me, letting his head rest on my chest as he pulls the blankets around us.
I reach over to turn off the light before wrapping my arms around him, holding him tightly. I missed this so much, and I didn't even realize it. I can't remember the last time we were like this, all cuddled up in bed together.
"Y/N?"
I hear his soft voice as I feel even more tears wet my t-shirt.
"Mhm?"
"You know I love you more than life itself, right?"
A lump grew in my throat as I struggled to reply, "Yeah. I do."
I feel his muscular body relax and his long arms wrap around my waist.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
"Shh," I murmur, "go to sleep, Luke."
"I love you," he says.
I press my lips to the top of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.
"I love you, too."
