Hallow Springs

Sixteen

I had never stayed at the Kaufman House as a guest. Their downstairs restaurant was a local fixture for brunch. During the evening hours, a few elderly regulars would drink at the downstairs bar to the tunes of Frank Sinatra. There was no party, just a night cap for those who were friends and family of staff. I'm sure they thought they were being kind and courtesy for keeping the noise down, but in reality all quiet is disquiet in my life. I had gotten used to the sound of honking car horns and drunk college kids bar hopping. It was my white noise machine. The sounds of discord would just lull me into a gentle sleep. But not here. Hallow Springs was so deafeningly silent and silence brought the memories.

"Mommy..." my head rotated on the mattress to see Suzie standing by my bedside.

"Yes, sweetheart." She was in my head, so I didn't bother getting up.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, darling. It's just hard to be back..." I threw back another sip of Pinot Grigio from the Styrofoam cup stocked over by the instant coffee pot. I was on my last cup of the bottle so I was feeling good. Part of me needed the alcohol to cope with the last twenty-four hours the other part of me hoped it would induce some sort of ground breaking epiphany on the case like it does in the movies.

"It's okay, maybe you could find my shoes while you're here." This brought the tears.

"I hope..." I only barely pushed out the words. I wanted so badly to find them for my little girl. She began walking toward the door and I could see again she was barefoot. What kind of mother was I for letting her walk around barefoot?

I remembered giving her those shoes – the Pink Converse All-Stars she always wanted. It was a breezy fall morning on Maple Lane where the trees had just begun to change colors. Sam was already dressed for work pouring himself a cup of coffee. I tugged on his tie and kissed him as he tucked the Avery Journal Times, our closest newspaper, under his arm.

"What's on the docket today, counselor?" I asked him.

"Today I'll be facing off my greatest opponent yet... paperwork." I sighed in his arms – so happy wrapped up in him.

He kissed me on the forehead one more time and then headed for the door. He stopped dead in his tracks on the way out as a hug came flying in like a kamikaze jet.

"Daddy!"

"Hey honey!" he bent down to her eye level. "Now I want you to be a good girl today. Do as you're told. Yes sir?"

"Yes sir..." she grew bashful and found to the floor, where her toe dug into the floor. "Daddy?" She lifted back up to him on an excited thought.

"Yes baby..."

"Can I have a piggy back ride?"

"A Piggy Back ride?" he lifted up, surprised by the question. "I don't think so honey. I got to get to work and you are getting so big, you might break my back... You got to stop growing on me! Will you stop growing for me, please?"

Suzie giggled at her charming daddy. "I can't!" She shrugged and rolled her eyes, as dramatically as a teenager.

"Well no more piggy back rides then, maybe you will grow so much that you can give me a piggy back ride!" Her giggle busted out into full blown laughter.

"Love you,"

"Love you too, Daddy!" Sam headed for the door and walked out, but before he made it out he tripped over a box on the front step.

"You got a package honey!" he called back to me before walking to his car. I had just stuffed Suzie's lunchbox in her book bag. I knew what it was and so did Suzie. She spun on her heel to me wide-eyed and open mouthed. I tried my best to play to coy.

"Hold on... let me go see what it could be..." I swung the front door open and grabbed the box. I placed it up on the kitchen counter and used a kitchen knife to slice through the packaging tape. After opening the box, Suzie peered in, hovering over the island by standing on one of the stools.

She saw the words: Converse All-Star.

She snatched the shoebox up and ripped it open. There inside were two pink Converse All-Star shoes. They were the classic style that rose above the ankle. They would go nicely with her wardrobe as everything was still in the pink, fluorescent orange and lime green stage. She was a walking nightlight.

"They are perfect! They're just the ones I wanted!" She plopped down on the island and swung her feet like she was gathering altitude on the swing. She had been asking for them forever. Her grandparents had gotten the memo and decided to step in and exercise their right to spoil.

I pulled around and slid them over her feet. I looped, swooped and pulled them tight and she immediately hopped down and danced around to test drive them. Then something caught our attention. Through the front windows we could see her school bus pulling up.

"You got to go!" I handed over her packed book bag, kissed her on the forehead and shoo'ed her on her way.

"Have a good day!"

She was already at the school bus. I forgot to tell her I loved her. I would never forgive myself because that was the last time I would see my little girl alive.