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You Chapter 1: Jooheon's Story

Jooheon's Back Story

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and knew that you were someone no one would except? If yes then you're in the same boat as me. Ever since I can remember I was different from all the other boys in school. I didn't talk the same as them...walk the same...act the same. I was so different and they all saw it.

I remember being picked on for liking dolls instead of trucks. I remember being called a girly boy because I liked the color pink more than any other color. I didn't understand at the time that that was just...who I was, and that I shouldn't be ashamed of it. My mom was always supportive of me in everything I did! She loved me for me! No matter what anyone said about me she would defend me and say that I was perfect the way I was and nothing they had to say would change that. My dad on the other hand hated and resented the fact that I was different and tried to make me pretend to be someone else...anything else really. My mom and dad would fight all the time because of it. I always felt like a burden to them.

When I was eleven years old my parents got a divorce. It was a long and ugly process. after seven months of pure hell my mom and I moved to Seoul city. I never saw my dad again. My guess was that he wanted nothing to do with me because I ruined their relationship. My mom would always try and reassure me that it wasn't...but I knew.

I didn't have many friends growing up...actually I made my first friend when I moved to Seoul and started school there. His name was Changkyun but he liked to be called "I.M". I never knew why, but that's what I called him. He had a lot of friends! One of which was a boy named Son Hyunwoo, but everyone called him Shownu. from the moment I laid eyes on him I felt drawn to him. I was to scared to talk to him because he was SOO popular! And I knew he would never waste his time on a nobody like me. I.M was the only friend I had, and I was ok with that. He would invite me out to hangout with him and others, but I would always say "I have lots of homework to do." or "My mom wants me home." I always had an excuse as to why I couldn't, and he never questioned me which was nice.

Once I started high school things got really difficult and frustrating. I was a teenager and I was trying to figure out who I was as a person...which was so hard! My freshman year was the worst because I finally came to the realization that I was...gay. You would have thought i'd have figured that out a LONG time ago,but...nope! It took me until my freshman year of high school to come to that conclusion and it sucked ass let me tell you!! I felt like I wanted to disappear because being gay was looked down upon and I knew that  was going to get bullied again for just being...me.

I was so scared to tell my mom! I don;t know why I was! My loved me no matter what, but I was still scared! But finally I decided to teller her...mostly because I needed to tell someone! It was eating me up inside! I came home from school one day and told my mom I needed to talk to her about something important. Once we sat down my eyes started watering due to my nerves. She scooted closer to me and rubbed my head. She asked me why I was crying and I finally said it with tears running down my face. I came out to my mom when I was a sophomore...it took me a year to work up the courage to tell my mom, and as I expected she excepted me and loved me! I was happy that I had a mom like mine! She loved me so much and I loved her the exact same!! She hugged me and told me that In was perfect and not to let anyone tell me differently! She was my best friend...I know I know! "Your mom is your best friend!?!" And the answer to that is yes!! She is!!

Around the end of my Sophomore year I finally worked up the courage to tell I.M. I thought for sure that he would be disgusted by me and run for the hills...but he didn't! I was so surprised when he smiled at me and told me that it didn't bother him. I asked him why he was so understanding and excepting...because most people aren't. The would just tell me I was a sinner and that I was going to go to hell and walk away! His response was even MORE surprising!! He told me that when he was young...we're talking like six or seven years old he knew he was gay. He new it and embraced it! I had no idea he was gay...he apparently is a "manly gay"...I had no idea that there were different types of gay! I felt like I was on cloud nine! I had a mother who was so loving and supportive, and a best friend who understood me to the T! Life couldn't have gotten any better...that is until it all came crashing down around me. I never understood why things couldn't just stay good...they always had to go back to shit.