"Maddie, come on. You're 17."
I couldn't bring myself to do it.
"Adam, I'm not ready. Sorry."
"You've been ready. Of course you're ready. You really love me, don't you?"
"I...I love you, but I just can't..." I looked at the ground, embarrassed. I was disappointing him. And this was one of several times he had asked me.
"You can," protested Adam.
"Can we please stop talking about this? Why don't we watch a movie or something?"
I hopped up from the bed and moved towards the TV.
"Maddie, wait. Come back."
I reluctantly turned around and slowly sat down next to him on the bed.
"I won't let anything bad happen," said Adam. "You can trust me."
"It's not that I don't trust you or love you. You know that's not it," I said. "I'm just not ready for something that big in my life. I was kinda planning on waiting until marriage. Or at least until I get out of high school. You know it's not you." I turned to Adam. He closed his eyes, and leaning forward, gently kissed me.
"We've waited long enough," he said softly. He kissed me again, placing his hand on my back and leaning forward.
We've waited long enough.
One Week Later
"Wait, so you finally did it?" asked Tessa.
I nodded.
"Well, I guess if you were ready, then good."
"I hope I was ready," I said.
Tessa looked up. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. I'm just kinda thinking back to it. He was coming on really strong about it. Isn't that supposed to be a red flag? And it was a spur of the moment thing. I just was tired of saying no. I'm regretting it now."
"Just don't worry too much about it. You can't take it back. You really love Adam, right?"
I paused. "I really don't know anymore. When we were at his house, he just...he pretty much didn't let me say no. I'm not saying it's not my fault. It was my decision. I don't even know," I trailed off.
Tessa didn't respond. Finally, she sighed. "I don't really know what to say, Maddie."
One Week Later
My period is late. I could be pregnant. Pregnant. My mind started panicking and became cluttered with thoughts. I'm pregnant. No, I'm not pregnant. No one is officially pregnant until she sees the positive pregnancy test. I'm never going to see that, because there is no way I am pregnant.
I started sweating at the thought and ran to my car. I hopped in and drove to the nearest pharmacy. I picked up a pregnancy test and walked to the checkout. My cheeks flushed as the woman rang it up. Not even waiting to get home, I ran into the bathroom.
I emerged minutes later and took a deep breath before looking at the result. It's going to be negative. I shut my eyes and reopened them, looking down.
Positive. It's positive. I'm pregnant.
All I could do was run back into the bathroom to cry. I locked myself in the stall and turned to the wall. Before I knew it, tears ran down my face and I was thoroughly congested. I went to Catholic school. A school that hadn't had a student pregnancy in several years. I wept for a few minutes, hoping no one would enter the bathroom. My friends were virgins. I had made the stupidest mistake of my life, and my life would now never let it go. I would be labeled as a slut. A whore. Easy. Stupid. Reckless. All I did was give into my boyfriend's relentless requests. I couldn't take care of a baby. I could barely take care of myself.
I drive back home and prepared to tell my parents. This would be the scariest thing I've ever faced. My own parents. My dad sat reading a newspaper and my mom was walking into the room to join him.
"Um, mom," I said to her. "Can you sit down? I have something to tell you guys."
My mom worriedly sat down next to my dad. "I know this is really scary. I'm not kidding. I'm pregnant."
My mom just sat in shock, not moving. My dad leaned forward and annunciated "You're what?"
"I'm really sorry," I managed to whisper. My eyes were filling with tears. "The baby's Adam's. I haven't told him yet."
"And you're sure?" my mother asked softly. I simply nodded, a tear spilling down my cheek. My dad got up from the couch and walked outside to brood and reflect, I presume.
"Are you going to keep the baby?" my mom asked.
"I don't know. I don't know anything," I cried out loud. My mom got up and hugged me. I buried my face in her shoulder and began sobbing.
"I'm sorry," I repeated once more.
