Psycho In The Bloodstream

The Fear

'I'm James. I'm 17. And i'm pretty sure i'm a psychopath.'

I sighed. Glanced to my right. Stone. Glanced to my left. Stone. The desolation and gloom surrounded me, it was looming over me.
"Another day," i said, carving a line on the wall with a cutlery knife left on the floor by the last criminal here.
Above the lines, was my name carved in capitals. "JAMES."
It was almost as if it was screaming at me, the way I was screaming at myself. I was so worried about Alyssa, my heart was throbbing for her. I wasn't told where she was; she could be dead for all I know. Or maybe in prison for stabbing her father. Or robbing the petrol station. Or robbing the man that offered us a ride. This fear corrupted me, like a weight on my shoulder that needed to be destroyed.
That moment was flashing before my eyes like a slideshow. The booming light blurring my vision between each moment. Alyssa's face when I was running. The armed policemen. The horror in Alyssa's eyes. The terror inside of me. It thumped my heart - the dismay of falling apart. I was so determined to be the strong one, to put Alyssa's mind at ease: after all she had been through it's the least I could do. I tried to protect her since I believed she needed me, but I soon found that I needed her more.
A thousand thoughts were cursing my mind. I slouched against the wall and rested on the freezing ground. Why does it feel i am living one hundred years in the past? Walls of stone, my heartbeat echoed through it. I looked up, where cracks polluted the ceiling.
I rubbed my eyes and thought in my mind, 'what if I had actually killed Alyssa?' because, that was my intention during some of the road trip. The moment I was tired of killing animals, I knew I needed a pretty, bitchy teenage girl to murder in cold blood. And I thought that was Alyssa, until I got to know her. Without a doubt she is gorgeous, most definitely bitchy, but you simply can't murder someone that makes you feel things you have never felt before... can you?