Feelings

Chapter 1

I starting covering myself up and becoming a total introvert when I reached 8th grade. I used to be that one fun loving girl who talks to everyone and is kind to everyone who doesn't care what others think. Now I'm an insecure, introverted mess.

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My clock read 7:25 and I practically rolled out of my bed, not wanting to go to school. I opened my closet doors and I looked at the two sections of my closet. One had colors and the other was dark colors. I looked at the blue T shirt that I used to wear a lot and I sighed to myself reaching for the black T shirt and grey hoodie. After I changed I walked to the kitchen and looked at the wall that had letters all over a cork board. I smiled at them and then a wave of sadness hit me. I shook it off and grabbed a pastry and set out the door.
::authors note::<For those of you wondering her parents passed away and she was the only child, which is why the letters she got from her mom and dad made her feel upset.
~~~~
As I got to school I saw Ash.
"Hey Ash."
"Oh hey Jan! What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing." I know he knows somethings wrong with me but I'm not telling him.
"You sure?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
The bell rang and we both speed walked to class.
As I walked in the classroom I saw my friends Rei, Danni, and Sal.
"Hey guys."
"Hey."
"Hey Ash," Sal said with a smooth tone.
Sal has this huge crush on Ash so she like tries to play it all cool. He knows she likes him.
I smile a bit at Sal, and then turn my head to Mrs. J as she mumbles something looking out way.
"Okay so tell me what rivers flow in Egypt, Anyone know?" I turned to look at the back of the class and everyone's hand was down. Mrs. J looked our way and I hoped she didn't call me. I mean How would I handle the embarrassment if I got the question wrong. Would they laugh? Would they hate me?
"J....Sal what's the answer?" Thank god.
"The Nile river."
I leaned over to her and whispered "How did you know that off the top of your head?"
"It's called studying Mrs Lamar." Mrs. J looked at me with a stern face. "Why are you talking during my lesson?" "I needed to um get a um calculator?" Some kids in the back started to laugh, I could feel my checks turning red. "This isn't math why on Earth would you need a calcu-" And then Ash quickly jumped in and said "She wanted to calculate how far the river flows from Egypt to the other places..." "Right," She had suspicion in her voice. I looked at Ash and he smiled at me. He and Sal are the only ones who know how 'well' I handle pressure.
~
Once her class was finally over it was lunch time. The time where everyone has their eye on you. One mistake can lead to overall failure and humiliation.
My eyes searched the whole cafeteria left to right and I saw millions of clicks. The girls with all their hair done and pretty clothing all their makeup on hoping to attract some desperate guy, I saw the kids with their phones and laptops, glasses and all. I saw the table full of regular people who don't have a group, their nice to everyone and have great style.  And then Ash came to me tugging on my arm telling me to go that table. The table where we were labeled as the idk. We're cool but not cool enough and we're smart but not as smart as them, were kind but not too kind. We're the Idk's. I feel like an Idk. Everyone started to eat and I just stared across the room to a table. He caught my eye. I stared long enough to see he had someone else with him. Hurt. I looked away and down at my food.
"Jane you seem really out of it, you sure you OK?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
How is it that Ash is the only one sensing my pain. I would have thought Sal would be the first or maybe even Rei. Sal sat down next to Ash. I could tell she was real happy. "You guys wanna come hang at my place tonight?"
"Sure." I've never really known Danni as well as everyone else but I think he's probably fine.
I looked at Sal and I knew she was wondering about the right words to say when making a conversation.
"H...hi..," she said softly.
"Hey." Ash wasn't aware of her nervousness but how come he detected mine?
"So what you guys wanna do when we get there?"
"Not sure."
"I don't know."
I don't care," I picked my words carefully, one wrong thing can screw my hole life up.
When everyone else went back to talking leaving me out of it I looked across the room again at the table, at the guy. He's in my 7th period and his names Andy, Well I think.
"Yo guys Ima see y'all later," Ash said getting up.
"But it's not time to g-" the bell rang and I didn't even get my word out. Ash walked pretty fast to his class and Sal followed behind. Danni And Rei went to class as well and I was stuck alone again. As I walked slowing down with each step the guy Andy walked by me. I said "Hi" but I have no idea how it sounded. I was like In a zone or trance. I don't like the feeling, it makes me feel nervous. My hands started to get warm so I tried to shake off the feeling. I headed to my 3rd period and watched the clock the whole time.
~~~
When school let out I was so glad to be free from all the boring lectures for a whole 8 hours depending on when we fall asleep. I was in my moment of enjoying the fact that we were free and one more day to go till Saturday and my phone buzzed.
Text:
Danni: "meet me by the big tree guys."
Sal: "Alright! Ash you coming?"
Ash: "Yeah, is Jane coming?"
Danni: "She said she'd come earlier."
Sal: "She's probably not coming.."
Ash: "She keeps her word."
Me: "I'm coming guys."
Ash:"Good."
Sal:"Yay"
Danni:"Alright hurry up then my bro's driving us."
Sal: "Aren't you like 16?"
Ash:"Lmao probably like 20"
Danni:"Look it's not my fault I look older than I already do, and I'm 14 thank you very much."
Ash:"Ok Mr. 16"
Danni:"Just cmon' would ya'?"
Me:"I'm coming just had to drop off a textbook."
Danni:"Ok."
When I got there Danni and Ash and Sal were the only ones there. "Where's Rei?"
"I didn't invite her."
"Oh how come?"
"Just relax."
I hoped in the truck and had to sit in the back because it was a two seater and not a 6. Sal tried to climb up but since she's the smallest she needed some help. Ash picked her up and put her up there. I laughed a little because Sal's face turned a little red. Ash jumped up easily and sat down next to me, Sal on the opposite side. We all started talking about our "What if" fanatics and what we learned in each of our classes.
"I ain't learn Jack."
"I fell asleep."
"I skipped," Ash said smiling.
"You got away with it?"
"Course"
"Wow."
"Maybe we can skip together."
Ash looked at me smiling and Sal looked a little sad. "I don't know about skipping." I would literally love to skip my 5th period, but I did this for Sal.
"I'd skip with you," Sal said softly.
"That'd be cool." For some reason Ash didn't have the same excitement when he said it to me.
When we arrived at Danni's house his brother left to go run some errands. "Home alone just us 4"
"Yeah."
Dans house was real large. It had 4 large windows and in the front was a garden and a walkway to go inside the house. "Cmon lets go to the game room."
We followed him through his house and if was amazing. His house is way better than my house.
In the game room we all sat down and started doing our own things. Sal was doing her hair and Danni and Ash were playing games. I just pulled out some earbuds from my bag and plugged them in. I started to listen to some music and then I dozed off.
~~~
Dream stuck:
"Sal I'm sorry!" Why was I apologizing to Sal?
"YOU TOOK HIM!"
"Took who?" I was so confused
Then for some reason I got a flashback of myself asking Ash out knowing about Sal's huge crush on him.
"I'm SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO IM-"
"I'm telling the whole school your a-"
When I woke up Ash was by my side.
"You were out a while."
"Oh I was just tired."
"Well everyone's getting ready to go."
"Thanks for the notice."
We stared back at each other for a good 10 minutes.
"So um," I said and started gathering my stuff up
"Yeah."
Ash got up and walked away and Sal came around a corner running right into him.
Sal looked starstruck, like she was shocked that that had happened. Sal gazed into his eyes but Ash looked away.
"Sorry," Ash mumbled
"I-It's Okay."
Ash walked to the kitchen. Danni looked at me and then he walked over.
"Need help?"
"No, I'm go-" Before I even finished my sentence he started putting my headphones in my bag. Why was everyone being so kind? I mean I guess it's cool.
"Thanks," I tried saying with a smooth tone, I didn't want to sound super happy, though I'm not.
"Your welcome," He smiled at me.
Then I woke up for real.
When I woke up well I thought I woke up, I was staring at the back of a seat.
"Huh?"
"Oh cool your up."
Ash