Old poems (editing in progress)

Nothingness

I looked not at society but at beauty itself. I never thought that would be my worst mistake. I prayed I prayed for my soul to take the distorted mirror for my very sake forced to fabricate me but the me was fake. You could never make another version of me without bending the light but still I look at the reflection of the lake and see myself again and again I never knew I would drown in my sorrows knowing I was never here. The mirror I looked into was not a reflection of a being yet I still felt comfort because every second took me near the sky, an endless cosmos of awe and wonder. Still I sit here my gaze transfixed on the hazy object in the water. Still I'm feeling suicidal I never knew it was society giving me serenity sitting here I remember time was never real just like the severity of the scars that slowly kill me. I never knew. I never knew beauty was a lie to the eye but as I think I'm still dying slowly every second closer to crying my mother fading away disease recrypting as I raise the rope of my guillotine, swirls of pills and I'm still a coward, society pushing me to the edge society suicidal severity. One by one my friends die. I never knew the severity of suicide from the society but I feel serenity though all of my friends are dead, my head cut off the blade slashing the air of where I once existed and I used to be something what happened. Nothing.