Short story

Untitled Part 1

My heart thuds as if it were trying to escape my pale, weak chest. I walk briskly down the blindingly white corridor. So preoccupied with my thoughts I barely have the time to register what is happening as I come to a crashing halt and the frail nurse clambers to the ground. Looking down in bewilderment, I immediately thrust my small, clammy hand to assist her in her task of getting off the floor. "I'm sorry" She says blatantly as she grabs my hand and rises slowly from the unclean floor.

"Oh no, it was my bad, I wasn't watching where I was going" My voice rough and sad in tone as I stammer. She begins dusting herself off, her hazel eyes were dark and sunken in as if she hadn't slept in days. I had realized that in all the commotion I had lost the way; as this was a hospital i'd never been to before.

I look back and forth between the four daunting, hollow halls that connect to one singular space and I don't know which one I came down. My eyes wander back to the middle age nurse and I ask in a small voice "Do you know where room 218 is?" I stutter slightly as I shuffle away a bit.

In her daze she manages to murmur "Yes, this way. I will take you there" She walks in the opposite direction to that which we were facing and motions with a small hand to follow. We begin walking at a fast pace, as i'm sure she is accustomed to in the act of being employed at a hospital. Rows upon rows of rooms filled to the brim with people being eaten alive by sickness; not even truly living as they wait for their last moments to come. This was a place of sadness and death. The sickly tendrils of darkness seeping up my arms as I blink away my tears. My heart nearly stops as we reach our destination and she gives a pat of encouragement on my slim shoulder. I look after her as she walks away, nearly stopping her to beg her to come in with me. No, I had to be brave and do it all on my own.

I slowly tread into the dingy, poorly lit room. The overhead fluorescent lights flickering every few seconds and the faint buzzing sound they were emitting was even worse. I cringed at the upkeep of the suite, and proceeded in a straight line until I came upon a curtain with the silhouette of a woman that lies behind it. I take a dry hand and reach for the curtain gently peeling it back to reveal my dying mother. A small tear leaks out of my eye as I look at her, pale, thin, she obviously hadn't been eating. Her lively brown eyes that shone like glistening raw honey, are now hopeless, and the hopelessness is accentuated through her blank stare.

I look at her sheepishly and try to muster up the best smile I possibly can considering my mood. "Hi...mom" I say loud enough that it snaps her out of her trance that she had fallen into; not that looking at a dying flower the person she used to share the room with left behind, was very interesting in the first place.

Almost immediately she looks at me with a guilty expression, as miserable as she looked it was hard to feel bad for her. My wall remains up as she speaks in a raw voice "I am so sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't want you to worry...you have your own family now" I wince at her words.

"You are my family, mom!" I retort as angry tears cloud my vision, I shake my head violently to rid them of my face. Taking deep breaths I move closer towards her and grasp her hand tightly, the veins were a bright blue, sticking out against her translucent skin. Only 40 and she was on her deathbed and she had waited until now to inform me...when she knew she was really going to die. Had driven 4 hours straight as soon as I had gotten the news, not even stopping once. I resent her for keeping it to herself, I was the only person she had left, the only child, her only child. "Why would you do this to me?" My breath hitches as I struggle to speak through the lump in my throat.

I kiss her hand softly and she remains calm "I know this hurts baby, I know just how much hurts. I wanted to keep you from the pain because until it got too bad we could have pretended that we had eternity with each other"

I received the call at 3 AM, a message from the hospital telling me I was her only emergency contact. The sun just began to rise, peaking delicately through the window as I hold on tighter to her hand. "Don't leave me" My voice cracks heavily under the weight of my emotions. I lay my head on her chest and breathe out heavily. The absence of her hair thick shining hair causes another break in my heart. As my heart breaks, hers slows.

"You know I love you right?" She says weakly and she runs her fingers through my auburn hair as she did when I was a child. I nod, of course I knew she loved me. Even with my anger I swallowed it back, her last moments should not be those of despair.

"Are you sure there was nothing the doctors could do?" I say in a feeble attempt to make sense of this. Her silence said more than her words ever could, it was over. I bawl against her hospital gown, drenching it. "I love you so much mom" I whisper, breaking the sound of crying as she begins to drift off to sleep. "Sweet dreams" I kiss her as she mutters it back and a peaceful smile appears on her face, with her eyes lightly closed.

The monitor line goes straight and she passes quietly. My heart breaks in two as I feel a hole erupting in my chest. She is gone. Almost immediately two nurses file in, the nurse I had met earlier and one with a completely unrecognizable face. The one I had met earlier....'cassandra' said her name tag, her eyes immediately turn dark as she comes towards me and gives me a hug. "I am so sorry for your loss" she says solemnly. I breathe in and out shakily.

"I need some air..is it possible you could get me roof access?" I say with my breathing completely uneven. She looks unsure and then looks at the other nurse, almost as if they were communicating silently. Cassandra gestures slowly for my to follow her and once again we are hiking through the the halls towards the stairwell. As we progress, climbing several flights of stairs she begins speaking.

"I lost my mother to cancer too" She remains completely quiet until we reach the top and she looks uneasy as if she was second guessing herself. I shoot her a mournful look and her indecisiveness comes to a halt as she swipes her card into the scanner and the door makes a loud thud as it unlocks. We step out into the frosty air, it's refreshing.

Slowly, I drag myself to the edge of the roof, I step up onto the waist height concrete lining. Cassandra begins to panic as she realizes what I'm doing. "S-stop! What are you doing?!" She screams as I stand on the edge. The wind passes by me, sending my dark hair into swirls as if each bunch of strands were its own tornado.

"I can't live without her" I say in a low tone. Cassandra begins sprinting towards me, my time is running out. I look away from her and smile as I dive off, and for moments...I fly.