A Chemical Imbalance Of The Brain - Lauren Jauregui x Reader

Part III

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts/self harm scars from this chapter onwards ⚠️

Y/n took a moment to relish in the warmth of the sun as it crept through the thin curtains and lay on the pair clumsily strewn in the bed, legs tangled and hair even more so. The duvet was on the floor somewhere, likely kicked down there at some point throughout the night, so they were laid under nothing but a gossamer sheet that she didn't know she even owned, nor the purpose of it. Seeing how softly they lay on Lauren's curves, she thought that might be the exact purpose of them; to make her look like a perfectly carved marble goddess with black hair spread behind the woman's head like a halo, contrasting deeply with the stark white pillow beneath.

Y/n took a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth from both Lauren's body and the sun heat her up from the inside and relax all of her muscles, and heard the same from Lauren, followed closely by a shift in the bed.

Y/n's eyes slowly opened to see Lauren looking back at her now, and she almost didn't see it right away—almost. She couldn't fight the smile growing on her face, quickly turning into a gentle laugh.

The light was back.

"What?" Lauren asked, laughing too now, her nose scrunching a little.

Y/n shook her head slightly. She reached over and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen over Lauren's cheek behind her ear.

"Just... you." She said quietly. Their smiles remained as they took another moment of silence to admire one another. Then Lauren's faltered for a second, making Y/n's do the same.

"I'm sorry." She apologised again, averting her gaze to the minimal space between them. Y/n took another deep breath and scooted closer to the woman, wrapping her arms around her tightly without paying mind to the fact that they were both entirely naked; it was hard to feel ashamed when memories of overwhelming pleasure ghosted her mind.

"What happened?" She asked softly and soon felt the woman relax a little in her arms, melting slightly into her shape.

Lauren was unusually monotone, as though she might have been mimicking someone else. "A chemical imbalance of the brain." It took a moment for Y/n to realise what she meant. She remembered a moment last night when she had pulled down those white jeans Lauren was wearing, only to reveal faint white lines along her hips and thighs. She knew what they were, of course, but she didn't want to bring it up in case Lauren wasn't ready to talk about them; about how she'd obviously cut herself after the two had stopped talking. Y/n had kissed them, though, to reassure her that she'd be here when she was ready, and they'd moved on to continue what they were doing. The scars, that phrase, though they could be unrelated, led her to one conclusion. She hadn't even stopped to question whether the strange behaviour was out of Lauren's hands. It only made her hold her tighter, now.

"I'm the one who should be saying sorry." She reassured her and heard a quiet sniffle.

"You didn't push me away, I pushed you," Lauren pointed out, pulling out of the hug and looking back at the girl before her, a few tears hiding behind her eyes. "You didn't yell at me in front of everyone and not bother to say sorry afterwards. You didn't block me out without any explanation."

"It wasn't your fault." Y/n shook her head, reaching down to take Lauren's hands, "How are you now? Do you, um, take medication or anything?"

"Yeah." Lauren's eyes darted around the room now to allow her words to flow more freely than they would if she continued to look into Y/n's eyes. "Yeah, one for depression, one for anxiety, and I have therapy and stuff. I'm sorry, for coming back and dumping all of this on you."

"It's okay." Pulling Lauren's right hand up and gently placing a kiss on her knuckles got the brunette's attention once more, "I'm really glad you did."

There was a short silence. Lauren seemed to be considering something. Y/n let her think.

"I- I don't want to intrude or anything, and feel free to say no, but can I stay for a while?" The question was a broken sentence, with pauses here and there and the last part spoken faster than Y/n thought possible.

"Of course, whatever you need," Y/n grinned, and Lauren relaxed again, letting out a gentle sigh of relief. She really didn't want to go back to the crappy motel she'd planned on staying at after getting slapped across the face for ditching her girlfriend without warning, which she still thought she deserved.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the girl herself, who'd now propped herself up on one elbow, "How long are you in Miami for?"

However long you'll let me. Lauren cleared her throat, "A week or so."

"Tell me you still love tea in the mornings." Y/n joked.

Lauren grinned as she replied just as teasingly, "Who doesn't?"

Y/n laughed as she pushed herself up to a seated position, swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stretched out her back, neck, and limbs as soon as she was standing up. She forgot, for a second, that she was still unclothed until she glanced back at Lauren to see she was propped up on bent elbows, the sheet perched perfectly above her breasts, smirking at Y/n with... was that pride? The woman blushed and gathered some clothes for both of them.

Tossing her black Arctic Monkeys t-shirt from the day before to Lauren, she reached down and picked up a white shirt for herself. She'd worn it a few days ago (she hadn't been expecting a guest, or else she would have cleaned up) but that didn't really matter right now. Quickly buttoning it up, she also headed to the chest of drawers at the end of the bed to retrieve some underwear for them both, seeing as their own was dirtied from last night. She tossed Lauren a pair of boy shorts before taking out her own, seeing as that's the only stuff she'd wear, and slipped into them as Lauren did the same. She turned on her heels and was about out of the door before she span again.

"Stay in bed." She softly instructed Lauren. "I'll bring you some tea and we can chill for a bit? You can put the television on if you like." She added, pointing at the remote on her bedside table. Lauren nodded and smiled and Y/n did the same before heading to the kitchen to make them their drinks.

She tried to compose herself as she filled the red kettle she'd gotten for Christmas some years ago when she'd first moved into her apartment. Lauren was struggling and she didn't even know, didn't even question it. Now, looking back, she could see all of the signs that she had been ignoring. She took a deep breath and set the kettle on the stove, grabbing some mugs from the cupboard and some teabags from another. How had she not noticed? How had she been stupid enough to just leave her? She could've been making things worse, and she probably did, but she hadn't even known.

It wasn't long until the kettle was whistling and she brought herself back from the past to continue the task at hand. If Lauren was going to stay, she was going to make sure she made up for what she'd done.