Yakeen Ka Safar: A Sequel

Chapter 15

As Zubia's fourth month neared to an end she finally felt like she was getting used to this new life. The shock and amazement had worn off somewhat, replaced instead with sudden bouts of nervousness and contentment, often attacking together, making her confused. The idea of her, Zubia, being someone's mother felt quite overwhelming to her sometimes and often she would doubt if she was even ready for it. All sorts of questions would plague her.

What kind of a mother would she be? Would she be able to live up to the expectations the society had knowingly or unknowingly put on her? She wondered if her own mother had felt this way too and wished there was a way she could ask her this. There were so many things she wanted to ask her. These days this was all she thought about. The fear, the uncertainty, the immense responsibility of taking care of another life.

Zubia didn't share these melancholy thoughts with Asfandyar, who, it seemed, had no qualms at all about fatherhood and all that it would entail. Or maybe he did but he was doing what Zubia was doing, and hiding it. However to her he always appeared to be perfectly at ease. The thought of disappointing Asfi, in any way, shape or form, terrified her.

***

Asfandyar could always tell when something was wrong with Zubia. Call it his sixth sense, or perhaps just the intensity of the love he harboured for her, but whenever something was off with Zubia, it was almost as if he could sense it. As if it was something real and tangible, hanging in the open air around them. These days he would sometimes catch her staring into space, her face sombre, eyes doleful. But whenever he asked her if she was okay her answer would be the same. Main theek hun.

This lack of communication between them was unusual and it was making Asfandyar unnerved. He wanted her to be able to talk to him about anything. He knew he couldn't physically pull her heart out and wring out all the sorrow from it but he could at least just be there for her. Surely she should've realised this by now.

It was a Thursday afternoon and he had come home earlier than usual. He found Zubia sitting in the lounge. She was perched on the couch, cross legged, a shawl wrapped around her. Her hair was up in a messy bun with a few tendrils coming loose and framing her face. He thought she looked lovely. This is what they mean when they say pregnant women glow, he thought. He walked over to her and sat down, putting his car keys and phone on the table.

"Asalamalaikum" She greeted him, lowering the volume of the TV a little bit.

"Walikumasalam" He replied, stretching his arms. His eyes fell on the items she was holding and his smile turned into a grimace. Zubia had been eating what appeared to be a combination of potato chips and peanut butter.

"Yeh kya khaa rahi hou?" He said, his face wrinkling in disgust.

"Bohat maze ka hai! Aap bhi try karein?" She said, offering it to him.

"Nahi!" He said, immediately shaking his head at her. He found her crazy new food combinations revolting, though he knew to her they really did taste good. Last week he had caught her mixing olives in a bowl of ice cream. That had almost made him lose his appetite.

"Aik minute, main Gul Baji ko chaaye ka keh ke aata hun" He said, walking off into the kitchen.

"Asalamalaikum Gul Baji. Aik cup chaye bana dein please" He asked the elderly woman who had been standing at the counter chopping vegetables. She nodded and started doing so.

"Asfand saab" She said suddenly as he was about to walk out and return to Zubia. He turned around and looked at her expectantly. She was staring at him with an uncertain look on her face, as if she didn't quite know what to say.