Starring Role (Kevamie)

I Don't Mind

Jamie

As I finish up my route, I replay my conversations with Kevin over  over again in my head. 

Despite the fact that there's no one around, I still try to suppress the smile that overtakes me. 

I'm just glad I have someone to be open with, who I can speak my mind with without fear of judgement or scrutiny. I'll admit, when it comes to the stage I'm just about shameless, but that's how I let loose. I'm allowed to be whomever I want to be when I'm acting. But when the time comes to show the world the man behind all those roles, the real Jamie, I'm somehow hesitant. 

I try not to think too much about it. I don't need those things constantly weighing on my mind, dragging me down. If I'd thought too much, I don't think I would have ever connected with Kevin so well. I would have held back, overthought it, and not take the risks that brought me to this point.

I guess, in a way, Kevin's gotten me to be a bit more self-aware. To think more about who I am beyond the stage, and to think more about my own complex desires and feelings.  

I'm grateful to have him in my life. Not just because I have a a thing for him that makes me feel things I never thought I could, but because he's a true friend, as well. I never really thought I would ever have one of those. I sometimes think that people see me as too flamboyant, or even obnoxious, but I'm just trying to express how I feel, to say everything I think about this life, these people, and everything in between. While it may seem that it's just a front, I really am kind of over-the-top. When I feel for someone, I feel intensely, and quickly. When I want to express myself, I express those feelings as they are, loud and brash and passionate. 

I'm just happy that at least one person likes me for all of me, when I'm quiet, or when I can't help but shout everything that comes to mind.

There's no mail left, and golden patches waver in between the shadows that leaves cast on the sidewalk. 

It's probably time for me to head home.  

I hate to be alone with my thoughts for too long. I'm one of those people who needs to be around other people to recharge and bounce back from feeling emotionally exhausted. 

As I turn around and gaze at the lazy, winding, avenue that leads up to the boardwalk, I'm hit with a bout of aimless nostalgia. Nostalgia for no time in particular, just a sort of fleeting wistfulness. 

I start the trek back to my house. I rent it, and my parents help me with rental payments. They practically live in my backyard, our houses are so close. It's a little yellow house, with faded white shudders. Nothing special.

I wonder if Kevin will ever meet my parents... 

They'd instantly assume he's my boyfriend. They always tease me about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend, but it's in good spirit, if not slightly embarrassing. 

My heart races at the thought of Kevin as more than a friend, but I try to calm myself. I'd hate to scare him away by springing the idea of a date on him too soon. It's just a crush, and Kevin seems like one of those people who takes a while to develop feelings for someone. I'm going to stay friends with him, because I love our friendship, but if he asks me out, I don't think I'll mind.