Blink then let it sink

I have to escape.

I stared at Sowi. She then lands on the ground. I stare fearfully, did I just...no. I couldn't have. Right? I am in the same position not moving a muscle. What do I do? I just sliced a limb off my sword teacher. And we're going on a mission in two days. How do I explain this to the lord? How can I help Sowi?

As I then realised. I am worried about myself and not Sowi. She is bleeding out blood and here I am asking myself is 'how do I explain this to the lord'. I felt guilt and I was furious with myself. I had another glance at Sowi. She is laying face down on the ground. I crawl towards her. She won't be dead, right!

Nah she wouldn't. But what if she lost too much blood! I grab hold of her and rush to the tree. I am running through the forest. Water drips down my face. I am starting to sweat. But as I think about the times I had with Sowi. More then one drip fell from my face.

I can't lose her. As I look up I see the tree up ahead. I am running as fast as I could. But I did it again...I tripped. I now have markings on my knees. But I quickly got up staring at Sowi. Hoping she did not get hurt because of that trip. "Nepo!" I shouted. The door did not open. "Nepo!" I yelled. It still did not open. I took a deep breathe.

"Nepo." I say calmly. And it finally opened, I jumped in. Holding Sowi tight in my arms. I rush through the hall ways. Everyone staring at me. "Hey ka-." I rushed pass Theo who tried talking with me. Where is the hospital? I rush through every door. Running around endlessly. I then see the lord's door, I rush in. He was sleeping. As I stomped towards the lord.

He opens his eyes shocked. "Lord, she! I! We-." I yelled scared. "Shh." The lord calmly says. He then looked down at Sowi. And jumps up shocked. "What happened!" He yelled. Hearing him say that my guilt punched me in the face. "We were training and..she was going hard and I freaked out and I almost died and..!" I yelled without taking a breathe.

Until I took a deep breathe. "I accidentally chopped off her arm.." I looked down. Not wanted to look at his disappointed face. I heard nothing but sigh come from him. "Karamen, I-." The lord took another huge sigh. He points at a guard next to him. And stares at him and then pointing at Sowi. The guard rushed to Sowi grabbing hold of her and rushing out of the door.

The lord then looks back at me. "Karamen this is not your fault." He stares at me. I collapse on my bottom. Stabbing my nails in my skin. Guilt, guilt, guilt and regret. Theo rushed in. "Karamen, I was trying to talk to you before!" Theo then sees me on my knees and stained blood in front of me..

"What happened!" Theo rushes towards me. "Theo.." The lord coughed. Theo looked at the lord. "Come take Karamen to her room." The lord looked down. Theo gave me a hand to stand up. I stood up, what do I say to Theo? He must be wondering what happened. As I see my room up ahead. I rush towards it.

I lock the door. I made it looked like I was having a tantrum. I stand in front of the locked door relieved. But what about the thing I have to do in 2 days? I sighed, I need to go. As I look down, I need to leave this place. All I need to know this is all in my head, none of this does not exist. It's not like I killed someone, right?

I open the door, quietly and steadily. I need to escape, I need to escape, I need to escape. As I continued to remind my self. Until I looked up, I was crying. I can't escape from my problems. I need to face them. As I slowly catch my breathe. I looked around myself, finding myself lost.
Although, I've been here for more then a week. I only visited a few rooms, my bedroom, the lord's room and the main room where everyone socialised.

My heart was pounding, I need to apologise. I need to stop crying, I need to stop thinking of the worst. She wouldn't die! Saying these thoughts made me calm down, okay. I think I should visit my mum, I need a break. I sigh, so what's the word? I forgot because all of what happened. I opened a window close by. "Hey, windy! What do I say to leave?" I yelled with confidence.

But nothing replied. I was confused, how do I get back?