she comes into her room and spirals out of control
blood runs down her wrist tears fall from her face and she lies awake on the ground at 4 am clutching her bottle of pills trying to convince herself not to hurt the people around her
at school her eyes are empty sad and tired and her mind is consumed with too many thoughts
she wonders why the world is the way it is why we all are playing the same game the same way
if you walked into her room you would see purple walls plastered with pictures of happy times
if you looked a little closer you might see something different
you might see thousands of quotes sprawled on paper in rushed handwriting.
you might find dozens of note books filled with thoughts and poetry
you will find mugs one filled with tea and sad books in every corner
if you look even closer you will find a variety of blades and pain killers
cigarettes and drugs, bottles of alcohol and stolen shot glasses
lighters in every nook and letters shoved into every crack
if you look in the trash you will find plenty of waste from products that attempt to make you "beautiful" among them you will find no shortage of bloody tissue
if you look on her phone it might seem innocent at first but once you see all of her double accounts sad music and deppering pictures and text messages that range from "im done trying to help you" to "did you eat anything today?", you might think differently.
if you looked on her history you would see the hours upon hours she spent watching poetry and trying to help people she didn't even know
the closer you look the more you realize you never really knew her at all
the way he sees her there isn't much too see
on the outside there isn't very much the world knows
cause its all hidden in a far deeper place
much more difficult to reach
but still he looks at her
as if he can see more than there really is, as if he can see deeper than what eyes can perceive
most often she catches him with a looking at her as if wondering how she could possibly be so broken, and most often she if giving him the exact same look.
they were friends
soon he realized though, that she wasn't the face that she put forth,
other people told him, warned him, she was a mess
and he knew, that she drank to much and smoked to often and the cuts, where far to many
but he was the only one, who let her, he let her,
there conversations went on, deep into the night
they met at 2 am in the morning on deserted street corners in the freezing cold,
this was when she was alive,
this was when she could feel
everything
she felt it all so intensely
and he could merely watch and she threw her head back and let the rush of the world run through her and she smiled into his gaze
he watched as she destroyed herself because he knew she needed to do it
so they did it together, and the tore the world up
they shattered buildings made of glass by running through the streets in the pouring rain
they sang in the drunken haze they had made for themselves
and he never really loved her but was always just a little curious
of the girl that no one wanted
and no one ever knew
he never lied to her, he told her the way things were
he was falling just as she was, just as everyone was
always falling always on the very edge
only she was jumping off the edge
so she could live in the moment where she could fly
anything to feel something anything to be alive
he never held her he only told her not to go
but he saw the truth in the world
were all just barley living
and we only get a few moments of happiness
and everything else is really, just meaningless
