Pandora

Even my dad does sometimes

It's now been three months since I gave Ed his wallet back and that we have been together. We only see each other on weekends, and on Mondays I tell Mary everything that happens.

The first time I told her everything, she looked at me with her blue-green eyes wide open, and said, "How's that possible?! You've only known each other for three days! You don't know anything about his life, his job and you're going out??"

I didn't answer, just smiled. There are somethings in life that you can't explain, and love at first sight is one of them. 'The heart works in mysterious ways' an old saying, that's so true.

I've got used to the mysterious Ed. Yet something cold is slowly creeping in on me. A voice in my head whispers that he's using me, that it's too good to be true. I try not to listen to it, it's like poison taking over my body. More and more questions fill my head, and when I try to get some answers, Ed puts his guard up and loses his good mood. He becomes less...nice, less Ed. Well, less the Ed I know, but, do I really know him?

Today's Saturday, and I've been waiting all week for it. Ed offered to take me somewhere I don't know for a picnic. He said that he will organize everything, he promised to make the sandwiches and not buy them. He must like me a lot to put in so much effort, 'It's only an illusion' whispers the voice in my head. I shut it up immediately, but I start to worry.

I arrive at Ed's. We agreed to meet here then make our way there together. I see him put the picnic basket in his boot. I get out my car, and he finally sees me. His face lightens and he comes to me. 'He's an actor, he's using you'. Shut up! I shout in my head, plastering a massive smile on my face.

"Hey!" he says kissing me.

"Hi"

"You have perfect timing, I just looked up" he takes a black cloth from his pocket and puts it around the top of my face, covering my eyes.

"Hey! We didn't agree this!" I say

"It's more fun!" he says smiling, the last thing I see before everything going black.

He guides me and makes me sit down in his car. I hear the door close, and a couple of seconds later another one opens. He sits next to me and puts his hand on my thigh, his contact reassuring me a little. The engine starts, and we make our way to the mysterious destination. Silence fills the car, and I start to get a bit bored.

"How long now?" I ask.

"About twenty minutes. Where do you think we're going?"

"I don't know...a park?"

"No, but it's like one"

I think he's smiling, but it could be an 'illusion', like the voice says.

"Any other ideas?" he continues.

"Ehh...Can I ask some questions and you answer yes or no?"

"Ok, but only three or you will ruin the surprise"

"So, there are trees?"

"Yes"

"Is there...a water source?"

"Yes"

"Is there a lot of people?"

"No"

Now I have an idea, but it's still blurry. I feel his hand on my thigh moving, but instead of pulling away, he traces circles with his thumb. The slow movement, is delicate, and he continues until we have arrived. After turning off the engine, he gets out of the car then helps me. I can hear birds singing, and the boot opening.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"Taking out the picnic"

"What about my blindfold? Are you gonna take it off?"

"Not yet, we're just in the parking lot, that's not what I want to show you"

He takes my hand, and guides me for what fells like an eternity. Finally, he lets go of me and I hear him unfolding some kind of material. Still standing up, I hear him sit down, then soft hands grip my hip and pull me down and I fall between his legs. My back is against his chest, and he slides the blindfold off my face. I blink, trying to adapt to the bright light. My surroundings become clear, and I freeze completely amazed by the paradise around me. We are in a wonderful little clearing, sitting on a picnic blanket, surrounded by emerald green grass. A clear stream of shinny blue water flows nearby. It's not very big, but it must come to about my belly button.

"It's... Wow!"

"So... you like it?"

"Of course, it's brilliant"

I am shocked, in a good way. I look at him, smile and without hesitation lean in to kiss him. Thanking him for letting me share this place with me. We start to eat, talking about everything and nothing, as usual. It's really nice to be here with him. Calm takes over my body and if I was alone I would have probably fallen asleep. But I have company and Ed proposes we go for a swimming. I refuse, arguing that we can't swim out side in autumn, and he eventually gave in, and forgot about that idea. The day goes by in flash, and I wish time would just slow down. Unfortunately that's not the case, and the darkness of the night begins to settle. Suddenly, I don't know why, but a thought crosses my mind. Actually, yes, I know why: There's always this poison, these doubts that came back.

"Why don't you talk about yourself much? Aren't we close enough?" I ask.

He's taken by surprise, and I don't blame him. I practically just blurted it out, after having an amazing day. Immediately his guard goes up.

"You know me better than most"

"Doesn't feel like it"

This situation is weird. I probably offended him, but it hurts how he avoided the question. And it only confirms the opinion of my conscience. The pain of this silent confession pierces me. And I feel tearing running down my cheeks, I get up without a word, and walk to the car. I see him put way our things, and his impassive mask shows an emotion I don't really understand. It doesn't show what he should feel. He looks sad, and a bit like he regrets. But when he sits down in the car, he doesn't say anything. The way back is calm, too calm. I sneak a look at him, he looks concentrated, his soft hair falling in front off his eyes. With the rays of the sunset on him, he looks as handsome as ever. He turns his head and sees me admiring him. I notice his eyes are slightly red and I feel guilty. I ruined our day. And to top it all off, I'm embarrassed he saw me staring at he, I look the over way my cheeks burning. My thoughts fly around in my head, everything getting mixed up, my emotions cross and I feel a strange feeling. The engine turns off and I realize that we have arrived. I get out and walk to my car, trying to leave as quickly as possible. I regret having said that. As I approach my car, a hand grabs me, turning me around, stopping me in my tracks. Ed has his fingers around my arms, a sad expression on his face. Seeing him like this hurts me, and tears fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry" I cry, looking at the floor.

He releases my arm and brushes my tears away, whispering,

It's alright to cry
Even my dad does sometimes
So don't wipe your eyes
Tears remind you you're alive
It's alright to die
'Cause death's the only thing you haven't tried
Just for tonight, hold on

[...]

Live life like you're giving all
'Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart
Hold on

I throw myself in his arms, my eyes tearing up, and make him promise to tell me everything. He accepts, but will explain it all when the time is right. That condition awakes the voice in my head and all doubts that come with it, but for the moment I ignore it. But it will come back, I know it...