JESSICA

|19|PART ONE|

A/N THIS PART ONE OF A DOUBLE UPDATE!

I'd been in the deep for 10 days now. Holding my breath under the water had failed, I'd given in to him. What I hated myself most for was that I liked his attention, I needed it. It was at the sweet honeymoon stage of obsession; where he'd treat me like a princess in his own fairy tale, but I wasn't dumb. I knew that as soon as Paris was over, the bubble would pop and I'd be forced to live with my miserable decision forever.

I was sitting alone at a two person table. Christopher stood me up for an "emergency". I swished the whiskey around my mouth and swallowed it down. It was a burn, all this love and attention he'd been giving me had buttered me up and now I was left with salt in the wounds. He made me feel disappointed in myself for thinking he actually cared. I knew this was just the beginning, but I must admit; I thought I'd have longer.

I scanned the room; happy couples and families filled the dining area, laughter was rife in the air. Everyone looked so goddamn happy. I should have known better than to leave my happiness sleeping on the sofa.

Something or should I say someone, caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Jeremy. The last I saw of him was when he was hunting Henry and I down at the seaside B&B. More to the point, I thought Christopher and I were here alone, he said no one knew. But then again, when could I ever trust Christopher to tell the truth? It's time I found my own answers.

I ordered two drinks at the bar before I sat down on the seat across from him. "Evening."

Hand in hand, we ran down the hotel hallway giggling like school children. He pressed me up against his hotel door. "Jeremy, stop, we're going to get caught." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Mmmm, you're right," he whispered into my ear seductively whilst he slipped the key card through the lock on the door.

I stumbled backwards, not expecting the door to move so quickly and he grabbed my hand to catch my fall and lowered me onto the floor gently. With the other hand, he closed the door behind us before hovering over me.

"I guess you're my saviour, then?" I smirked.

He tapped my nose with his playfully. "I guess I am," he uttered, and pressed his sweet lips against mine.

Soon I was on top of him; my dress riding up on my thighs, my body pressed against his and our lips locked.

The rush he gave me was like nothing I'd ever experienced; he made me feel warm, wanted, safe and electrified. Even if our spark was attached to a slow burning fuse, I still had right now.

He ran his hands over my thighs leading up to my waist and moved me carefully, so I was sitting up.

"You're so goddamn gorgeous Daisy," There it was; my real name dripping off his tongue like sticky sweet honey. It made me feel real, opposed to the counterfeit life of Jessica that I was acting out. With him we were on a paddle boat in the middle of a lake; untouchable by anything except the truth that was us.

We stripped ourselves and moved to the bed. He was gentle with me, thoroughly looking after me, passionately caressing me. Having sex with him was the closest I'd ever been to making love to someone.

"I think I might keep you." I laughed as I panted heavily.

"Just keep me? I am marriage material." he uttered exuding confidence. We both burst out with laughter.

"I'm sure you are, but my life has been planned down to my last breath. In case you forgot." I rolled my eyes.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." he sighed.

I leaned over onto my side, placing my hand on his chest and tapped his nose with mine. "Don't be, we still have each other." A breathy smile spread across my face, lifting my rosy cheeks.

"Yes, we do. Who would have thought that I'd fall for you, the boss's ex, and current daughter-in-law?"

"Mmmm, want to remind me of how fucked up my life is anymore?" I threw daggers at him. I grabbed my bag and got dressed in the bathroom.

When I joined him back on the bed, he had black lounge shorts and a skin tight grey top on. I took the whiskey from my bag and kept on drinking. I was hurting. Jeremy was meant to be my cloud 9 tonight, I didn't need the unwanted reality check he gave me.

"I'm sorry," he apologised with regret stinging his voice.

"I didn't think I'd be here either, you know?" I almost mumbled. "I, I," I paused "fuck I can't even speak." I sighed.

I took another gulp of whiskey, savouring the burn on the way down I handed the bottle to Jeremy.

"I'm twenty-two and where is my life going? Into an unhappy marriage with a step dad I used to, well and with an affair, that's possibly the only thing that keeps me going?"

"I wish I could run away with you; we could settle down, have a family, live in a boring neighbourhood with neighbours we secretly hate. Doesn't that sound perfectly average?"

Aside from the fact that I was barren, his plan seemed a perfect medium, an average escape where the size of your produce mattered more than the consistency of your lies. Except that was the issue, I couldn't have children. I couldn't even give Jeremy the average life that he'd settle for just to be with me. It was absurd to think that we had even a flicker of a chance in this chaotic world that we lived, because we didn't. This was a dream that I'd never be able to have, he was slipping through my fingers faster than I could comprehend. I knew I had to let him go. I just didn't want to, the past year of rendezvous and heart to hearts had been the best in my life.

"I don't think I could thank you enough for how amazing this year has been. I honestly never thought I'd feel this kind of trust and love in my life again. Thank you for showing me that it was possible." I sighed and reached for the bottle back, but no amount of alcohol could numb the pain of my realisation.

"Daisy, are you okay? You know you can tell me anything." He guided his hand to my face, wiping away an escaping tear.

I knew I could tell him anything. I'd told him everything. He knew from start to finish the horrors that kept me up at night.

"We should just enjoy right now." I changed the subject. He laid down with me. I rested my head one of his arms whilst the other wrapped itself around me. I had to make the most of this because soon enough my safety net would be gone.

A smile spread across my face. "I haven't seen you since-"

"Since you told me we had to stop sneaking around, but we could still be friends." he interrupted me. "I still haven't had that call or text."

My eyes were wide, he'd caught me off guard. Life happened so quickly, I didn't even think it had been that long. "I was going to say, when you were hunting me down at the B&B, but I'm sorry. You were always such a good friend."

He frowned a little at me. "Thank you for the apology." He pulled himself back, sitting up straight and looked at me with intense eye contact whilst he downed his drink.

I lifted up my glass and tapped his empty one, "Cheers," I laughed and downed the drink.

"Do you want to get a bottle of whiskey and get drunk with me in my room?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Yes." I said, I needed this.