The Evergreen Trees That Kill Me

The start of it all

I feel as if I want to die being locked up in this house isn't fun anymore. I thought I could help her, but I'm just here to do her dirty work. More than a million tears in two years. The worst I have been hurt and it still haunts me. Whenever there is a reminder of that state I want to throw up. There is always these flashbacks and there killing me inside because of her. My mother. Living in Everett, Washington for two years I thought it would be fun. I was wrong and I can never be more wrong in my life. So here's my story the one that killed me.

We were in her car after her appointment and she was texting someone. Probably one of her boyfriends or something. Then she looked up at me. "Do you want to move with me? Come on it will be fun. You will get to chose where we live." She only gave me two options. What does she mean anywhere? One was Washington State and the other one was some other state away from California far away. I didn't pay much attention because I never wanted to go with her in the first place. She wanted me, why? I have another sister that was twelve at the time. I didn't understand, was it because I was the youngest and I was easy to convince. To this day I don't even know and its been three years since I made the worst mistake of my life. Now I'm thirteen and my sister is fifteen. The one that was taking care of us at the time was my oldest sister that's now twenty one. I didn't want to leave them, but in my head I felt guilty if I said no to my mom. "grrrrr... um, ya sure. Of course." With a fake smile and a shrug. I told her yes and then she called my sister that was taking care of me to pack my things. Those words I still regret saying. If anyone asked me it would be those words. Trust me.

My name is Maiya and this is my life story, sad to say. I didn't think this would effect me in the way it did. I mean living in Washington State what could be so harmful? Next thing I knew I was back at the house I was living at the time. My sisters with plastic bags filled with my stuff in front of the porch standing there. The trunk was filled with my stuff and the last time I would hug them in a while. I held back my tears and put a fake smile on my face and said bye to them. Then got into the car. I was sad to leave them but I couldn't leave my mom in a State she barely knew all by herself. I hate when I think about other people before me. I think that is a bad quality in me sometimes.

On the road we went. I thought I would have have more time in California but I was wrong. The moment I said yes everything changed. Then I was drowning in my own tears wanting to die. Wanting someone to kill me.