Ephemeral

What happened?

What went wrong?

Everything was great and then you stopped talking to me. Why?

I know you have a lot of things going on in your world and it's hard and complicated but just tell me that you need some time and space. I understand that. Please don't just shut me out.

Maybe I just got caught up in the rush of things. The thrill of this new experience and I let myself get carried away and imagine things that weren't actually there.

Except they were there.

At least once upon a time they were.

We had so much fun together and even when we weren't doing anything the company was nice. But now I feel like there's nothing. I know I haven't done anything to make you angry or upset with me, I know what you're like when you're angry with someone, but at the same time I feel like now I'm just an annoyance to you.

But like I said, you have more serious things going on in your life and I'm not that high on your list of important things. I never expected to be, but I know I'm way down the bottom and I can't help but cry.

I knew something more happening with us would be a long shot (a very long shot). But I wanted to try anyway because I liked you so much and who knows maybe it would work out amazingly.

Maybe this is for the best. I'm not a very nice person sometimes. I'm selfish and jealous, not very attractive qualities in a girlfriend. I've made myself feel physically ill thinking about you with other girls and all the ways that they're better than me and how they would be more suited to you.

And after all these rollercoaster emotions I tell myself that you're not worth it.

If you can't see my worth you don't deserve me.

If you can't see my worth you don't deserve me.

If you can't see my worth you don't deserve me.

But I know what happens next.

I see you again and I forget everything because, god, I forget how good you look and how easy it is for you to make me laugh. It's not easy for me to laugh lately. And everything for those few days feels somewhat normal. Not exactly how it was but it's nice.

Then the cycle repeats itself and I have to remember my mantra:

If you can't see my worth you don't deserve me.

If you can't see my worth you don't deserve me.

If you can't see my worth you don't deserve me!

But if you asked me to cut off my right arm I would do it in a heartbeat.